Coming Soon
March 26, 2014

Of course Oprah Winfrey had "go on tour" on her bucket list. More specifically, "go on tour, again."

The media mogul has an eight-city tour in the works, with the first stop set for September. "Oprah's The Life You Want Weekend" tour basically sounds like any other self-help seminar, except for the fact that it's fronted by one of the most powerful women in the world. Event highlights include a keynote speech from Winfrey herself on Friday night, followed by group activities and handpicked speakers on Saturday. So far, the Winfrey-approved lineup includes author Elizabeth Gilbert and guru Deepak Chopra.

The tour sounds a lot like one Winfrey completed in 2005; her "Live Your Best Life" tour stopped in three cities, where she dispensed sage life advice and offered up impromptu airport interviews.

What inspired Winfrey to hit the road again? Canada.

Seriously: Winfrey visited our northern neighbors in 2013, and she says that speaking circuit inspired this American iteration. The only downside is that attendees in 18,000-seat arenas aren't likely to walk away with Oprah's Favorite Things — just "empowerment, resilience and authenticity."

Frankly, a new car seems like more of a draw. Sarah Eberspacher

This is incredible
12:54 p.m. ET

A Florida woman who was being held at knifepoint by her boyfriend used the Pizza Hut app to save herself.

Ethan Nickerson, Cheryl Treadway's boyfriend, took her phone away, but Treadway convinced him to let her order a pizza. In the app's "special instructions" section, Treadway wrote "911hostage help!" and "Please help! Get 911 to me."

When the restaurant received the order, a cook told the manager about the instructions. The Pizza Hut employees called 911, and the the Highland County Sheriff's Office sent a team of deputies to remove Treadway and her children from the house.

Florida's WFLA reports that Nickerson "may have been high on meth" during the situation. He was arrested and charged with aggravated assault with a weapon without intent to kill, battery, false imprisonment, and obstructing justice by depriving communication to law enforcement. Meghan DeMaria

Watch this
12:25 p.m. ET

Nobody has ever gone broke by giving the people what they want. That's the clear guiding principle behind the new trailer for Magic Mike XXL, which elides over much of the ordinary business of movie trailers — like, say establishing the plot — in favor of two straight minutes of beefy, hunky dudes getting down:

The trailer does spare a brief moment to set up the basic premise of Magic Mike XXL, as the dudes head to Myrtle Beach to compete at an unspecified dancing convention. Beyond that, however, it's all style, as male strippers played by Channing Tatum, Joe Manganiello, Matt Bomer, and more take the stage to show off what they can do.

Magic Mike XXL hits theaters on July 1. Scott Meslow

12:17 p.m. ET
Eric Kayne/Getty Images

I haven't confirmed this with my editors or anything, but I'm pretty positive that if I accidentally confined someone to a room for almost a week without any food or water, I wouldn't be contributing here at The Week anymore.

The Drug Enforcement Administration (DEA), however, has no such qualms. In 2012, the agency arrested Daniel Chong, a student at University of California-San Diego, when he was caught smoking pot. They handcuffed him in an unlit holding cell and promptly forgot about him for five days, leaving him to drink his own urine to survive.

In March, the DEA finally punished the six agents responsible, subjecting them to nothing more serious than a short suspension. The Department of Justice (DOJ) has called the DEA's decision "unacceptable," and is calling on Congress to pursue reform. Bonnie Kristian

supreme grumps
12:08 p.m. ET
Chip Somodevilla/Getty Images

An analysis of Supreme Court decisions dating back to the court's earliest cases in the 1700s found that with time SCOTUS has become increasingly accessible — but also increasingly long-winded and grouchy. While decisions are easier to read than they used to be, they've ballooned in length — think 4,000 words for Brown v. Board of Education (1954) and more than 10 times that for Citizens United (2010) — and use an increasingly unfriendly vocabulary.

And when we look at the language choices of specific justices, the current court lineup is historically unpleasant (at least on paper): Sitting Justices Samuel Alito, Stephen Breyer, Clarence Thomas, Anthony Kennedy, and Antonin Scalia all rank in the top ten unfriendliest decision writers in SCOTUS history. Their colleagues were either more temperate (Roberts and Ginsburg) or too new to the court to be included in the study (Kagan and Sotomayor). Bonnie Kristian

11:57 a.m. ET
Yuri Gripas/Associated Press

Former Speaker of the House Jim Wright died on Wednesday at the age of 92. Wright served for more than three decades in Congress after winning a House seat in Texas in 1954, ultimately rising to become Speaker in 1987. Yet Wright's tenure at the House's helm was brief. Just two years later, amid an ethics investigation into 69 alleged financial improprieties, he became the first Speaker to resign under fire. Jon Terbush

11:12 a.m. ET

The 3,000-year-old archaeological site at Tjaru was already pretty intriguing — it was home to an ancient fortress and was rumored to have hosted exiled criminals — but a new discovery makes Tjaru even more interesting. Archaeologists at the site have found the camp of an ancient Egyptian army, along with mass graves and the skeletal remains of lost soldiers.

Researchers believe Tjaru was a "starting point" for Egyptian military campaigns during the New Kingdom period, from 1580 B.C.E. to 1080 B.C.E., explains The Cairo Post. The camp and graves will help historians better understand the ancient Egyptians' military strategies and architecture.

In addition to the camp and grave sites, the archaeologists discovered storage sites that bore the seal of Pharoah Tuthmose III, who "created the largest empire Egypt had ever seen," according to Ancient Origins. The artifacts found at the site will be displayed at a local museum. Meghan DeMaria

This just in
10:41 a.m. ET
Alex Wong/Getty Images

Baltimore Mayor Stephanie Rawlings-Blake on Wednesday called on the Justice Department to conduct a full "pattern and practice" review of the city's police department to probe whether officers routinely violate citizens' civil rights.

"At the end of this process, I will hold those accountable if changes are not made," Rawlings-Blake said, adding that the department would have body cameras on officers "before the year ends."

The announcement came one day after new Attorney General Loretta Lynch visited Baltimore. The DOJ was already investigating the death of Freddie Gray, the unarmed black man who died in police custody and whose death sparked widespread protests that at times turned violent. Jon Terbush

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