Jon Stewart dedicated the bulk of Tuesday night's show to the upcoming Winter Olympics in Sochi, Russia. But based on Russia's new anti-gay laws and semi-official tolerance of violence against gays, Stewart had a very specific variant of the Winter Games in mind: The Homophobic Olympics.
"The great thing about the Homophobic Olympics is that, just like the regular Olympics, every nation can take part," Stewart said, before reviewing some of the top competitors — places where homosexuality is being prosecuted: India, Nigeria, and Uganda all make the cut. So far Nigeria, with its law threatening not just gay people but also those who associate with them — Grace, not just Will, Stewart explained — is looking like a winner in the Homophobic Games.
The team to beat, though, is Mother Russia, Stewart said. He awarded Russian President Validimir Putin style points for head-faking tolerance before not-so-subtly conflating homosexuality and pedophilia. Stewart illustrated Putin's homophobic sleight of hand by offering a colorful analogy involving Russians and bears.
Next, Stewart brought out Senior Olympic Correspondent Aasif Mandvi to handicap America's chances in this Homophobic Olympics. "Team USA has been regressing all winter, and I think we have a shot," Mandvi said, with some enthusiasm. Stewart was skeptical. "Oh ye of little bigotry," Mandvi responded, trotting out Juan Pablo Galavis of The Bachelor and a Utah man who went on a hunger strike to end his state's brief dalliance with gay-marriage.
Stewart still wasn't sold, telling Mandvi Team USA needs a "Lake Placid, hockey-like miracle" to even medal. Mandvi stepped up with a late entry, Pennsylvania Gov. Tom Corbett (R) comparing same-sex couples to brother-and-sister incest. Stewart, Mandvi, and the audience erupt in cheers of USA! USA! USA! So that happened.
The wild card segment is a piece by Jason Jones, but it doesn't really aim for humor. Instead, Jones highlighted a Catch-22 affecting hundreds of thousands of Vietnam vets that makes them ineligible for treatment of post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). He interviewed two of them, who say that the military won't cover their treatment because they were less-than-honorably discharged due to... PTSD from Vietnam, and also because PTSD wasn't officially diagnosed until the 1980s — based off of studies of Vietnam vets.
This "raises a fascinating question," Jones said: "What the f—k?"
After punching a hippy and hiding in a closet, Jones found solace in some Yale Law students who have filed a class-action lawsuit on behalf of the PTSD-afflicted Vietnam vets. Jones had his own way of helping, involving training for "bureaucratic warfare," but clearly his biggest contribution is publicizing the situation through his loud megaphone. Watch: