Good week for:
The battle of the bulge, after plastic surgeons reported that growing numbers of U.S. soldiers are requesting liposuction on their bellies, so they can beat the Pentagon’s body fat test. “They come in panicked about being kicked out,” said one surgeon.
Spy vs. spy, after it was revealed that gift bags Russia handed out to world leaders at the recent G-20 summit contained bugged memory sticks and power cables. The Kremlin said the U.S. was trying to “divert attention” from its own spying.
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Sultan Kosen, who at 8-foot-3 is the world’s tallest man, after he married 5-foot-9 Merve Dibo in Turkey. “Everyone told me not to marry him because of his height,” said Dibo. “But I fell in love with his heart, not his height.”
Bad week for:
Heinz ketchup, after McDonald’s announced that the company’s condiment would no longer be served at its restaurants because of Heinz’s “management changes.” Heinz this summer appointed a former head of Burger King as its CEO.
Revenge, after a Colorado man testified that to keep his estranged wife from getting half of their life savings, he converted the $500,000 into gold—and dumped the gold into a trash bin. “Damn right I did,” said Earl Ray Jones, 52.
Myths about lightning, after Texas rodeo clown Casey Wagner was struck by lightning while hiding from a storm under a tree. When he didn’t move, he was struck again. “I can tell you one thing,” said Wagner. “I’m going to start going to church more.”
