Good week, Bad week

Good week for:

The greatest generation, after a group of veterans broke through barricades to enter Washington’s World War II memorial, which had been closed by the government shutdown. “We took on the Germans and the Japs and we whipped them,” said Tom Lucas, 87, “and then we have to take this sort of thing?”

Courtly love, after San Diego Judge Patricia Cookson officiated a marriage between convicted killer Danne Desbrow and his fiancée, right after sentencing the groom to 53 years in prison for murder.

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True believers, after a group called the Sasquatch Genome Project unveiled new video and DNA analysis that it insists prove Bigfoot is real. “We think it’s a human hybrid,” said genetic scientist Melba Ketchum. “This is a serious study.”

Bad week for:

Nuclear technology, after a massive cluster of jellyfish forced one of the world’s largest nuclear reactors, Oskarshamn in southeastern Sweden, to shut down for three days. Several tons of jelly-fish had to be cleaned out of pipes that suck in cooling seawater.

Getaways, after a fugitive attempted to escape Michigan police by frantically pedaling a paddleboat across a lake. When the boat capsized and sank, Mark Rood swam back to shore and was arrested.

Going carbon neutral, after a Wisconsin meteorologist burst into tears, vowed to never fly again, and pledged to get a vasectomy after reading the latest United Nations report on climate change. “No children, happy to go extinct,” Eric Holthaus told his 13,000 followers on Twitter.