My fat boyfriend won't lose weight. Help!

Starshine Roshell weighs in with advice on this and other quandaries

Starshine Roshell
(Image credit: Jackie Sallow Photography)

Dear Starshine,

My boyfriend — let's call him Pete — and I have been together for three years, and are engaged to be married. Pete was chubby when I met him, and has gained 40 pounds since we've been a couple. I was chubby when we met, too. But in the past 15 months, through diet and rigorous exercise, I've become slim and toned. I simply wanted to be healthy and have more energy — and my attraction to Pete has not waned. But recently, he was taken to the ER with chest pains, diagnosed with high blood pressure, and advised by his doctor to lose weight. Although I love my man at his huggable teddy-bear size, I know the fried chicken, roast beef, and buttered mashed potatoes I've been serving aren't helping. So these days, I'm making salads, tofu, sautéed veggies, and grilled chicken. These new menu options have not been received well. Pete continues to demand the burgers and cheese fries he's used to, and when I don't accommodate him he either orders take-out or goes out to eat! He refuses to exercise with me and says he's happy the way he is. He has also accused me of no longer being attracted to him because of his size, which is not true. I love my boyfriend and am really just worried for him. I want him to know the joy of being fit and energetic. I'd also like him to be alive and well come our honeymoon. What can I do to get him to change his lifestyle — and is it even fair of me to ask this of him?

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Starshine Roshell

Starshine Roshell is a veteran journalist and award-winning columnist whose work has appeared in The Hollywood Reporter, New York Post and Westways magazine. She is the author of Keep Your Skirt On, Wife on the Edge and Broad Assumptions.