Good week, Bad week

Good week for:

Remorse, after a thief who stole a wallet and a GPS device from a Massachusetts woman later returned the items with a long letter of apology. “It was either nice, or he knows he’s been in the paper and is trying to head off the inevitable,” said a police official.

Thinking better of it, after a peacock that escaped New York’s Central Park Zoo spent the night on the ledge of a nearby apartment building, watching the teeming city below. “It flew home at sunrise, back into the Central Park Zoo,” zoo director Jeff Sailer said.

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Smacking your own face in the morning, after the U.S. military licensed several official colognes, including “Patton,” which includes hints of tonka bean, sage, and bergamot.

Bad week for:

Rowan Atkinson, the British actor famous for playing Mr. Bean, after he crashed his McLaren F1 sports car, worth about $4 million. He suffered only a minor shoulder injury, but the car hit a tree and a pole and caught fire.

Tiger Woods, after the caddie he fired last month, Steve Williams, helped his new employer, Adam Scott, win the Bridgestone Invitational, as Woods placed 37th. “This is my 167th win and easily the sweetest of my life,” gloated Williams. “I sincerely mean that.”

Distraction, after a New Mexico man placed a bag filled with $5,000 in cash on the roof of his car as he loaded his two kids into the backseat, and then drove off. “Bonehead move of the year,” the man said, after searching unsuccessfully for the cash.