Good Week, Bad Week

Good week for:

Drunks with good aim, after the World Beer Pong Tournament in Atlantic City awarded $50,000 in prizes. Said one contestant: “We get hammered and make cups all day. That’s my life.”

Driving Miss Mary, after British cabdriver Don Pratt was left the entire $371,200 estate of one of his regular customers, Mary Watson, who died at 86. “She was always a good tipper in life,” said Pratt, “and she was an even better tipper when she went.”

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Creative protests, after dissident Russian artists protesting a government meeting in St. Petersburg painted a giant phallus on the pavement of a drawbridge. Every time the drawbridge is lifted, the 220-foot-long penis rises against the city’s skyline.

Bad week for:

Bumming a cigarette in New York, after the state legislature raised the state tax on every cigarette pack sold to $4.35. In New York City, a pack will now sell for upward of $11.

Looking like Justin Bieber, after police raided a bar in Ocean City, Md., following several tips that the 16-year-old pop star was there drinking alcohol. The person in question, a 27-year-old woman, had to show ID to prove she wasn’t Bieber. She said she is mistaken for the slender, mop-haired singer all the time.

Man’s best friend, after Iranian cleric Grand Ayatollah Naser Makarem Shirazi issued a fatwa condemning the new, Western-style trend of keeping dogs as pets. He said dogs are “unclean,” and noted, “There are lots of people in the West who love their dogs more than their wives and children.”