Magical penis theft, Cher-Stern confusion, Chest hole

last updated 8 January 2015

Police in Congo have arrested 13 sorcerers for using magic to steal men’s penises. At least 14 victims have come forward to say that the sorcerers cast spells that caused their penises to either disappear or shrink dramatically, and then demand a ransom for the organs’ return. Far-fetched as the stories may sound, witness Alain Kalala, 29, a Kinshasa phone-credit salesman, assured reporters that “it’s real. Just yesterday here, there was a man who was a victim. We saw. What was left was tiny.”

A fan of radio shock jock Howard Stern was overjoyed when he thought he’d spotted his idol on Beverly Hills’ Rodeo Drive, says The National Enquirer. As the tall, shaggy-haired figure in sunglasses emerged from a limo, the star-struck young man rushed up, yelling, “Yo, Howard, I am such a huge fan, man!” before realizing that he had, in fact, accosted Cher, 61, the pop legend and Oscar-winning actress. “You thought I was Howard Stern?” Cher yelled. “What the hell did you have for breakfast this morning, a bowl of stupid?”

A Chinese man who ran out of money after surgeons began reconstructing his chest in 1998 has been using old cigarette packets to cover the gaping hole in his chest. Rao Jiacang, 51, says he changes the cigarette packets several times a day. Nevertheless, the 7-by-3-inch hole in his chest—which affords an excellent view of his beating heart—has become a burden to him, and Rao is now appealing for a donor to fund reconstructive surgery. Since his surgery 10 years ago, says Rao, “I haven’t dared to go outside, in case people get frightened.”