The daily gossip: April 20, 2020

1. Obama is a mere 'former Chicago resident' in the new Michael Jordan documentary

Former President Barack Obama got an amusing demotion when he appeared as a talking head in the highly-anticipated Michael Jordan documentary The Last Dance on ESPN on Sunday night. In the series, Obama is cited as a "former Chicago resident," while Bill Clinton, who also appeared, is labeled as a mere "former Arkansas governor." As the series' director explained to The Athletic, "[W]hat is Bill Clinton going to say that is different than any other fan would say[?] … Now if Bill Clinton says I was governor of Arkansas when Scottie Pippen was in high school and I saw Scottie play, that's organic to the story and much more interesting." Only one question: Does this make Joe Biden the "former vice Chicago resident"?

The Athletic

2. Ashton Kutcher and Mila Kunis launch Quarantine Wine

If you're tired of your happy hours failing to have a positive impact beyond your own living room, then Ashton Kutcher and Mila Kunis have the drink for you. This weekend, the couple announced the launch of Quarantine Wine, named such, one assumes, because "Virus Vino" and "Pandemic Pinot" don't sound quite as appetizing. Quarantine Wine is a "beautiful Oregon Pinot Noir," according to the website, and will run you $50 for two bottles; all of the proceeds will go directly to nonprofits providing relief during the outbreak, including The Frontline Responders Fund and America's Food Fund. "We had fun testing the wine, and it was delicious," Kunis confirmed.

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3. Novak Djokovic is already a COVID-19 anti-vaxxer

Notorious weirdo Novak Djokovic spoke out Sunday over fears that he'll be forced to get a COVID-19 vaccine if he wants to continue playing tennis. "Personally, I am opposed to vaccination, and I wouldn't want to be forced by someone to take a vaccine in order to be able to travel," the world No. 1 said, adding: "I will have to make a decision … I understand that a vaccine will become a requirement straight after we are out of strict quarantine, and there is no vaccine yet." Djokovic's opinion on the matter runs counter to both proven science as well as the opinion of the general public, most of whom reasonably understand that "without a vaccine, the [coronavirus] is expected to circulate for years."

ESPN

4. Andie MacDowell broke into a park

The coronavirus has got us all acting a little bit lawless. Your roommate's cousin's ex's Netflix password is getting passed around in the group chat, speed limits are quaint concepts, and even the police in Louisiana are inexplicably trolling citizens with the Purge siren. Which brings us to actress Andie MacDowell, who was spotted this weekend crawling under a gate in order to access a Los Angeles park that was closed because of the COVID-19 pandemic. While wearing white pants, no less! But really, can you blame her? They're more what you'd call "guidelines" than actual rules.

TMZ

5. Pitbull poetically claims coronavirus is about 'freedom or freedumb'

On Sunday, Pitbull released what appears to be a statement about the coronavirus, only the remarkable thing is that it makes less and less sense the more you read it. "Wake up. Don't sleep," Pitbull wrote. "This is deep. Deeper than a virus. This is about freedom or freedumb. The choice is yours. Educate yourself. God bless, stay blessed." Literally no one has any idea what Mr. Worldwide is trying to communicate with those words. Is it a promotion of his new coronavirus anthem, which also makes little sense? Is it an admonishment of the coronavirus deniers? Or is it Pitbull simply urging fans to educate themselves by following the directions of their state and local authorities? Who's to say, man.

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