Big, burnt and boozy: German tabloid scoffs at Brits abroad

British holidaymakers are drunk, fat and sunburnt, according to a scathing piece published this week in the German tabloid Bild.

After thousands of Brits complained about developing a cough from drinking cheap vodka in Spanish resorts, Bild has put together a list of other British holiday "ailments".

The cheeky piece, entitled "Bild explains the English Patients (of Majorca)", pokes fun at British men with "wandering-hands disease" and women with "underwear amnesia".

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Brits abroad put on too much weight from drinking, it says, and develop "toasting arm", a pain akin to tennis elbow caused by lifting too many pints.

"If you burn red and white abstract art onto your body by unprotected sunbathing, you must allow us a little schadenfreude," it says.

Tattoos are branded "Anglo-Saxon rash" ("Men have 'Made in England', women have paws in green ink") and British women are accused of thinking they can have a free holiday by offering sexual favours to men.

Bild also refers to "balcony leg", in which Brits injure themselves trying to jump into the hotel pool from their balcony, and "Prince Harry syndrome", a pathological need to undress in public at every opportunity.

"Anyone who has encountered the German love of naturism may find this a touch hypocritical," says the Daily Telegraph, while The Times says the piece shows such "stunning rudeness" it is "tantamount to an act of war".

It adds: "As the anniversary of the beginning of First World War approaches, and the talk throughout Europe is of peace and reconciliation, one might have thought that traditional Anglo-German rivalries would be, temporarily, at least, laid to rest. Sadly not."

The Sun is also duly defensive, with an attempt to even the score. "Germans poke fun at Brits on hol," says its headline, "but at least we don't nick the sunbeds."