Tall tales: Penny Mordaunt offers to open rural Aldi with a sword

Ceremonial duties
Penny Mordaunt's sword-wielding abilities impressed the nation during King Charles's coronation and they could once again be on display – at the opening of an Aldi in North Wales. During recent business questions in Parliament, Conservative MP Virginia Crosbie, who represents Ynys Môn, invited the Leader of the House of Commons to attend the long-awaited opening of the supermarket in Amlwch, Anglesey. Mordaunt responded: "I hope that if I'm able to attend I will be able to help cut the ribbon – perhaps with a sword."

Bare cheek
A knitting group has been asked to cover up five woollen nude Morris Dancer dolls that were on display at a Somerset cafe following complaints from local residents. The creations were made as a "bit of fun", said Mike Alford, owner of The Hive cafe in Shepton Mallet, to help raise funds for the local air ambulance service. However, a handful of locals felt the knitted items weren't appropriate for public display, with one social media user saying they wouldn't want their grandchildren seeing the dolls on their way to school. Placards sharing information about the fundraiser have now been placed in front of the dolls' "genitals".

Squawking success
A nine-year-old Brit has won an international seagull screeching championship for his impression of the noisy seabirds. Much like Peter Parker became Spider-Man after being bitten by a spider, Cooper Wallace, from Chesterfield in Derbyshire, was inspired to become "Seagull Boy" after being nipped by one at the seaside. And he soared to victory last week after travelling to Belgium to compete in the EC Gull Screeching contest. Competitors donned bird costumes for Sunday's event, but the judging was a "serious business", said marine biologist Jan Seys, after he and fellow judges awarded Cooper 92 out of a possible 100 points.

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