Speed Reads

The Daily Showdown

Jon Stewart has a message for optimistic Democrats in Texas: 'You poor bastards'

"Texas has been a conservative state since dinosaurs roamed it 6,000 years ago," Jon Stewart said on Thursday night's Daily Show, citing (fictional) Texas-approved high school textbooks. Yet Democrats are somehow convinced that they can turn the deep red Lone Star State blue — or at least they were in early 2013, when all Stewart's clips are from.

To show the folly of the Democrats' endeavor, Stewart noted the huge leads in the polls for the Texas GOP's very conservative candidates for governor and lieutenant governor. "You poor bastards," he said. "Democrats in Texas are like the drunk guy at the bar, won't stop hitting on the girl even though he knows she's a lesbian." --Peter Weber