"I love shopping at Whole Foods," Stephen Colbert said on Monday's Late Show, "because I love organic produce, and I cannot stand having money." That was the beginning of a short rundown of a spate of Whole Foods mini-scandals, from overcharging for its prepackaged products to a new apology about selling tilapia and goat cheese made by prisoners. "Prison labor?" Colbert said in mock consternation. "But everything at Whole Foods is supposed to be cage-free!"
But this isn't the last thing Whole Foods will have to apologize for, Colbert predicted, so to help the grocery chain out, he issued a few pre-emptive apologies on their behalf. The mea culpas range from the gross (think "ground Chuck") to the absurd. The crowd favorite? "It is our solemn pledge that our cashiers will now add up the cost of your products, instead of just typing in the highest number they can think of." Watch below. Peter Weber
Subscribe to The Week
Escape your echo chamber. Get the facts behind the news, plus analysis from multiple perspectives.
Sign up for The Week's Free Newsletters
From our morning news briefing to a weekly Good News Newsletter, get the best of The Week delivered directly to your inbox.
From our morning news briefing to a weekly Good News Newsletter, get the best of The Week delivered directly to your inbox.
-
Unprepared for a pandemicOpinion What happens if bird flu evolves to spread among humans?
-
6 impressive homes in TorontoFeature Featuring floating stairs in Lytton Park and a two-tiered infinity pool in Banbury-Don Mills
-
Samantha Harvey's 6 favorite books that redefine how we see the worldFeature The Booker Prize-winning author recommends works by Marilynne Robinson, George Eliot, and more
-
US port strike averted with tentative labor dealSpeed Read The strike could have shut down major ports from Texas to Maine
-
Biden expected to block Japanese bid for US SteelSpeed Read The president is blocking the $14 billion acquisition of U.S. Steel by Japan's Nippon Steel, citing national security concerns
-
Judges block $25B Kroger-Albertsons mergerSpeed Read The proposed merger between the supermarket giants was stalled when judges overseeing two separate cases blocked the deal
-
Rupert Murdoch loses 'Succession' court battleSpeed Read Murdoch wanted to give full control of his empire to son Lachlan, ensuring Fox News' right-wing editorial slant
-
Bitcoin surges above $100k in post-election rallySpeed Read Investors are betting that the incoming Trump administration will embrace crypto
-
Enron mystery: 'sick joke' or serious revival?Speed Read 23 years after its bankruptcy filing, the Texas energy firm has announced its resurrection
-
US charges Indian tycoon with bribery, fraudSpeed Read Indian billionaire Gautam Adani has been indicted by US prosecutors for his role in a $265 million scheme to secure solar energy deals
-
Boeing machinists approve contract, end strikeSpeed Read The company's largest union approved the new contract offer, ending a seven-week strike
