Speed Reads

Late Night Tackles President Trump

Samantha Bee explains why Paul Ryan needs to grow a spine, just like Taylor Swift

President Trump dumped his national security adviser, Michael Flynn, but only reluctantly, because Flynn was a loyal soldier, Samantha Bee said on Wednesday's Full Frontal. "Loyalty is everything to him, and nobody has adapted to that reality better than speaker of the House and faithful husky Paul Ryan," she said. Over 20 years, Ryan has built up his image as the moral and intellectual leader of the Republican Party — all the talking heads say so — so "how did a principled social and fiscal conservative like Ryan wind up in bed with a bigoted, adulterous grope machine who wants to blow $25 billion on a coyote urinal?" Bee asked. The answer was revealed in the tongue-in-cheek "Paul Ryan: Portrait in Courage."

Bee ran through several instances of Ryan denouncing things Trump said before finally endorsing him in a small-town Wisconsin newspaper. "Watching Ryan play moral watchdog was like watching Taylor Swift pretend to be surprised at an awards show: bland and fake, but weirdly compelling," she said, showing a weirdly compelling side-by-side of Ryan and Swift. "Take another cue from Taylor Swift, Mr. Speaker — know when to dump the guy you've only been pretending to like to help your career. It's kind of hurting your moral-compass-of-the-party brand." Bee ended with a slightly improbable reason people who aren't Republicans or from Wisconsin should care about Ryan's spinal fortitude. Watch below — but be warned, there's NSFW language sprinkled throughout. Peter Weber