Speed Reads

slow news day?

The White House's official newsletter linked to an article sarcastically ripping apart Trump's budget

The "news reports" section of the White House's official newsletter, the 1600 Daily, was looking a little sparse Friday aside from an enthusiastic Washington Post headline, "Trump's budget makes perfect sense and will fix America, and I will tell you why." Which sounds great in theory, except if the newsletter's authors had read past the headline, they would have realized Post writer Alexandra Petri's opinion piece is a scathingly sarcastic takedown of President Trump's proposed budget.

"Some people are complaining that the budget proffered by the Trump administration, despite its wonderful macho-sounding name, is too vague and makes all sorts of cuts to needed programs in favor of increasing military spending by leaps and bounds," Petri writes. "These people are wimps." This is literally the first sentence of the article.

(A screenshot of Friday's 1600 Daily email)

Here's a little more:

This budget will make America a lean, mean fighting machine with bulging, rippling muscles and not an ounce of fat. America has been weak and soft for too long. BUT HOW WILL I SURVIVE ON THIS BUDGET? you may be wondering. I AM A HUMAN CHILD, NOT A COSTLY FIGHTER JET. You may not survive, but that is because you are SOFT and WEAK, something this budget is designed to eliminate. [The Washington Post]

Petri goes on to list departments worth cutting, such as the Agriculture Department — "NO MORE OF THIS NAMBY-PAMBY 'GATHERING' NONSENSE. We will be HUNTERS again" — and the National Endowment for the Arts, which she proposes be replaced with "an armored helicopter with a shark painted on it."

Petri concludes:

AMERICA WILL BE STRONGER THAN IT HAS EVER BEEN! Anyone who survives will be a gun covered in the fur of a rare mammal, capable of fighting disease with a single muscular flex. RAW POWER! HARD RAW POWER GRRRRRR HISSS POW!

It will be great. [The Washington Post]

In addition to the Post's glowing endorsement, the only other "news reports" item the White House linked to Friday was "Trump praises Irish 'fight' at White House ceremony."