Speed Reads

Late Night Tackles President Trump

Stephen Colbert sees an upside in Trump's leaked secret-spilling to Philippine leader Duterte

This week, a Philippine transcript of an April phone call President Trump placed to Philippine President Rodrigo Duterte leaked to the press. The Trump administration had already shared that Trump invited Duterte to the White House (he was noncommittal). Regardless, "that's a very exclusive invitation," Stephen Colbert said on Wednesday's Late Show. "Usually you want to save that kind of honor for a true statesman like Ted Nugent." But thanks to the leaked transcript, we also know he started off his call by congratulating Duterte on his "war on drugs" — which, not unlike a real war, has killed 7,000 people over the past year.

"Trump congratulated Duterte on his vigilante kill squads," Colbert marveled. "That's like saying: 'Darth, I'm in construction, and I know that's a fantastic Death Star, top notch. I'd love to have you over sometime to Force-choke Sean Spicer." Still, "the call had an even bigger bombshell," he said. "In a conversation about North Korea, Trump gave Duterte military secrets" about two U.S. nuclear submarines off North Korea. "Come on! That's a state secret," Colbert protested. "Trump has got to be the world's worst Battleship player. 'Okay, you'll never guess where my beautiful submarine is — unless you guess B2, because that's where I put it, 2 through 5.'"

Then Colbert saw an opportunity in Trump's secrets-spilling: "Since the only way we seem to get any information out of Donald Trump these days is via leaked conversations with dictators, I have a favor to ask of Robert Mugabe: Can you call up our president and ask him for his tax returns?" Peter Weber