Speed Reads

Late Night Tackles Trump versus Mueller

Stephen Colbert, Seth Meyers, and Trevor Noah half-cheer Mueller's team striking back against Barr

"I want answers," Stephen Colbert said on Thursday's Late Show. "For almost three years now, I've had to read all of [President] Trump's tweets, all of his staff's indictments, 127 tell-all books, and none of them told us anything we didn't already know just by looking at the guy." Special Counsel Robert Mueller's 400-page report was supposed to tell us everything, but all we got was Attorney General William Barr's four-page summary, he said. "That's like tuning in to see the new season of Game of Thrones and it's just Barr holding a sign that says, 'Dragons did some stuff. The end.'"

Congress wants to see the "whole kit and colludal," too, especially after reports that Mueller's team is complaining that Barr whitewashed their report, Colbert said. "That was in The New York Times, but it was also the cover story for No Duh! magazine."

The House Ways and Means Committee has similarly asked the IRS for six years of Trump's tax returns, and Trump "didn't sound happy," Colbert said. But the House has that power, and "no one is exempt. Mr. President, he is going to grab you by the 1040s, and when you're a chairman, they let you do it."

"In fairness to Trump, he probably is under audit," Trevor Noah said at The Daily Show. "I mean, Trump's taxes are so dirty, the IRS probably has them in one of those contagion rooms from Outbreak. And look, I want to see Trump's taxes as much as anyone, but after the Mueller report, I'm not putting my heart on the line."