Britain just began inoculating its citizens with Pfizer's COVID-19 vaccine. "Meanwhile, in the United States, it might take a little longer for everyone to get vaccinated because somebody — and I'm not saying which president — well, he done f---ed up," Trevor Noah said on Tuesday's Daily Show. Turning down Pfizer's summer offer to reserve more COVID-19 vaccine "may seem like it was a dumb decision by Trump, but if you take a moment to think about it, you'll realize that it was a really f---ing dumb decision by Trump."
The Pfizer vaccine "is safe and 95 percent effective, so naturally, earlier this year the White House passed on the chance to secure more of the Pfizer vaccine," Stephen Colbert said at The Late Show. "It's all laid out in the new book, The Art of Why Didn't You Make the Damn Deal?!"
"Yet another member of the president's legal team just tested positive for COVID," but that "doesn't mean the campaign has stopped losing," Colbert said. "Despite losing 51 post-election lawsuits, the president was still holding out hope for the Supreme Court," though it turns out "even Trump's hand-picked Supreme Court justices didn't want to hear this nonsense."
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"The Supreme Court has refused to hear the Trump campaign's argument about throwing out ballots in Pennsylvania, which is a shame, because Republican Sen. Ted Cruz had already volunteered his legal services," James Corden deadpanned at The Late Late Show. "Ted Cruz thinks he's great at oral arguments. Then again, Ted Cruz also thinks he's great at doing impression of characters from The Simpsons."
"The vaccine is starting in the U.K., and then coming here, but your one annoying friend will be like, 'I actually like the original British version better,'" Jimmy Fallon joked at The Tonight Show. Meanwhile, "I read that Trump wants to hand out mass pardons to 'every person who ever talked to' him, even people who don't need pardons. Yep, Trump's handing out mass pardons. The only other time you hear that phrase is after Rudy Giuliani eats Taco Bell."
Trump "reportedly told one insider he's gonna pardon 'every person who ever talked to me' — so, sorry Melania, I guess you're out of luck," Jimmy Kimmel said on Kimmel Live. And to "cover himself" for failing to pre-order more Pfizer vaccine, "Trump signed an executive order that seems to have confused even the guy he has running Operation Warp Speed." Watch below. Peter Weber
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