Speed Reads

last night on late night

Late night hosts catch up on the Matt Gaetz scandal, laugh at Trump trying to cancel MLB, Coke, everything else

"Say what you want about Donald Trump, but this man is a legend," Trevor Noah said on Monday's Daily Show. "His last act as president was to rob his own supporters. They loved him so much they stormed the Capitol for him, and meanwhile he was like, 'You go on ahead, I'll watch your stuff. Leave your wallet.'"

And last week's story about Rep. Matt Gaetz's (R-Fla.) alleged sex crimes "is so insane that we just have to talk about it," Noah said, finding the many accusations plausible. "Do I think that Matt Gaetz looks like a guy who shows photos of naked women to people at work? Yes. But do I think that he would have paid for sex? Yeah, definitely. But do I think that he's the kind of guy who would take ecstasy and have sex with an underage girl? Also, yes."

"If you're unfamiliar with ecstasy, it's the feeling you get when you hear bad news about Matt Gaetz," Stephen Colbert joked on The Late Show. He ran through the "GaetzGaete" in loving detail, then turned to Major League Baseball taking its All-Star Game out of Atlanta to protest Georgia's controversial new election law. "You know it's bad when an organization that includes the Atlanta Braves and the Cleveland Indians says you're too racist," he said. "That's like Matt Gaetz telling you to date your own age."

Trump called for a boycott of MLB and other companies critical of Georgia's vote-constraining law, but "it's really hard to imagine him giving up his beloved Diet Coke," Colbert said. "If he needs a pick-me-up, he'll have to ask Don Jr. to share his supply of coke classic."

"With all his complaining about 'cancel culture,' this guy has tried to cancel more culture than anybody ever!" Jimmy Kimmel said on Kimmel Live. He listed all the companies Trump has tried to cancel, including "Merck, which happens to make Propecia, the drug Donald Trump takes to slow his balding down. What are the chances that Donald Trump actually gives up Diet Coke or his bald-head medicine? None, but he wants you to."

Republicans are "already boycotting the NFL and the NBA — soon their only sports will be golf and jarts," Jimmy Fallon laughed at The Tonight Show. He also contrasted the very different Easter messages from President Biden and Trump: "Biden celebrated Easter while apparently Trump's still furious about his election 'passover.'" Peter Weber