Speed Reads

Last Night on Late Night

Late night hosts mock Andrew Giuliani's gubernatorial campaign, sort out COVID-19 masking rules

If you are still confused about the CDC's mask guidance, Tuesday's Late Show had Batman and Bane try to explain the rules, violently.

"COVID restrictions are being lifted around the country, which means people are finally getting out for the first time in over a year," Jimmy Fallon said at The Tonight Show. He offered some helpful reminders of normal, and abnormal, behavior from the news. The White House, meanwhile, released President Biden's income tax returns, Fallon said, and the first couple donated over $30,000 to charity last year — to "an offshoot of Big Brothers/Big Sisters called Big Bidens/Little Carters." He tried to poke fun at Andrew Giuliani's New York gubernatorial bid, but Tariq Trotter beat him to the punch lines.

Andrew Giuliani told reporters he is running for governor because "it's in my DNA," Seth Meyers noted at Late Night. "Also sharing Rudy's DNA, his first wife."

Andrew Giuliani claimed "the Giuliani name is associated with crime reduction," but Trevor Noah wasn't convinced. "I mean, I guess if one person is personally doing all the crimes, that does reduce the number of criminals," he said on The Daily Show. "Of course, Andrew Giuliani isn't just running as the son of America's only living gargoyle, he's also running of off his extensive experience as President Trump's sports liaison," he said, defending Giuliani's cheeseburger procurement prowess.

"Andrew Giuliani, if you don't know much about him, he's a former professional golfer, which is good — that way when he gets the lowest number of votes, he'll think he won," Jimmy Kimmel added at Kimmel Live. Despite the CDC's guidance, "the state of California said they are not lifting the mask mandate in stores and public places until June 15, which will be known as Please Stop Screaming at the Assistant Manager Day." The improving coronavirus numbers are due to rising vaccination rates, and Kimmel highlighted a new vaccination site in Las Vegas: "What a year this is: People are going to the Hustler Club to not get a virus in 2021."

The Hustler Club's vaccinations start at 4 p.m., Stephen Colbert noted at The Late Show, so "for the first time in history, you can tell your loved ones, 'Well, I'm off to the strip club in daytime, because I'm acting responsibly.'" Meanwhile, individual retailers, like individual states, are setting their own mask policies. "Wow, Starbucks will no longer require masks?" he asked. "That's huge — I'm sorry, that is venti."