Speed Reads

Last Night on Late Night

Stephen Colbert warns about the death of Roe, other late night hosts fret about the rise of Omicron

"Everyone is talking about yesterday's historic arguments by our nation's highest judges," complete with "recriminations, references to 'stench'" — but The Masked Singer wasn't the only court in session, Stephen Colbert joked on Thursday's Late Show. "We also heard from a slightly less trusted body, the Supreme Court," which now "seems poised to overturn Roe v. Wade." He ran through the oral arguments.

"Now, if the justices do overturn Roe, it will not be popular," Colbert noted. A November Washington Post/ABC News poll found 60 percent support upholding Roe, versus 27 percent who want it overturned. "That's more than two-to-one, so if it is this unpopular, why is everyone saying it's gonna happen?" he asked. "Well, and I don't want to get too technical, but we — what's the word? — don't live in a democracy. Five of the nine justices were appointed by presidents who lost the popular vote, the last three confirmed by a Republican Senate who now represent 41 million fewer Americans than the Democrats."

Meanwhile, with several cases found, the Omicron variant "is here in the United States, but don't worry, President Biden has a plan," Colbert said. "The anti-vax community has their own plan to combat Omicron: Make up crazy crap." The latest batch relies heavily on anagrams for Omicron.

Biden's plan to fight COVID this winter "includes free at-home testing, a public education campaign, and no lockdowns," Jimmy Fallon said on The Tonight Show. "And everyone was like, 'Uh, let's not rule out day-drinking so fast.'"

"One of the first U.S. cases of the new COVID variant may be an adult man who attended an anime convention," Trevor Noah said on The Daily Show. "Which is good — at least we know that it's not transmitted via eye contact." Still, "we have no idea if Omicron is actually that bad," he added. "I hate to sound like someone describing every streaming show right now, but you've got to stick with it past the first couple of weeks and see where it goes."

"In Germany, they're not taking any chances at all with this Omicron variant," Jimmy Kimmel noted on Kimmel Live. Soon, "unvaccinated Germans will be banned from all but the most essential businesses in the country," so "supermarkets, pharmacies, and stores that sell black turtlenecks." You can watch Kimmel poke fun at Ted Cruz, CBS, former President Donald Trump, and the "even dumber Donald Trump," junior, below.