Speed Reads

Last Night on Late Night

Late night hosts joke darkly about gun-toting Santa, secret superspreader Trump

COVID-19's Omicron variant appears to be more transmissible but less severe than the Delta variant, and that may be because "it shares genetic code with the common cold," Stephen Colbert said on Monday's Late Show. "This pandemic has gone on for so long, we're officially in the remix stage." Oh, and we're also "back at cruise ship COVID," he sighed. "What's next, a new season of Tiger King? There's what!?"

"The only thing spreading faster than Omicron is misinformation from conservatives," Colbert said, citing a tweet from Rep. Majorie Taylor Greene (R-Ga.) and Sen. Ron Johnson's (R-Wis.) claim that Dr. Anthony Fauci "overhyped" both COVID-19 and AIDS. He told Johnson where he could stick that comment.

Meanwhile, a Colorado sheriff's office raised eyebrows with a photo of Santa applying for a concealed-carry permit. "Wow, Santa's taking the War on Christmas very seriously," Colbert joked. "Now, Santa with a gun is an upsetting idea, but do not worry, kids. There's nothing to be nervous about. Santa is just an old loner who lives off the grid, keeps lists of your bad deeds, knows where you live, and can get into your house without waking your parents up."

The Late Show also turned the gun-packing Santa story into song.

"In other toxic masculinity news, we're getting more details about the number of people who may have been infected by our former superspreader-in-chief," Donald Trump, Jimmy Kimmel said on Kimmel Live. "Between the day he tested positive and the day he was hospitalized for COVID, Trump came into close contact with more than 500 people." Trump "took no precautions after testing positive, he didn't cancel events, he was maskless inside the White House and on Air Force One," Kimmel said. "You know, if you didn't know him better, it's almost like he doesn't care about others."

Seriously, Trump was "like the Johnny Appleseed of COVID," but we only know how wide his potential circle of contagion was because of a tell-all book by Trump loyalist Mark Meadows, Seth Meyers said on Late Night. "I like that Trump's aides won't talk to Congress, but if they get a book deal they'll tell the entire world the worst s--t they can possibly think of." Among a long series of asides, Meyers also recapped how "Republicans and Fox News are suggesting a new variant of the coronavirus is a liberal hoax," and you can watch that below.