World's largest sandwich
Iran’s attempt to build the world’s largest sandwich has ended in chaos, after spectators started eating it. A thousand volunteers worked for a day to build the nearly mile-long ostrich-meat sandwich in a Tehran park, but before officials from Guinness World Records could certify the feat, the impatient crowd swarmed the sandwich and devoured it in a matter of minutes. “We still think the sandwich will be recorded in the Guinness book,” said organizer Parvin Shariati, “because of all the evidence and footage that we will send them.”

O.J. Simpson suffers from drug withdrawal
O.J. Simpson is suffering through agonizing drug withdrawal behind bars, says The National Enquirer. Simpson, recently convicted of armed robbery for trying to steal some of his old sports memorabilia, suffers from severe arthritis because of old football injuries, and was taking large doses of painkillers. Prison doctors have cut back on those medications, leaving Simpson hobbling and angry. “Sometimes he screams at his jailers, demanding pills,” a source tells the newspaper, “but his cries are going ignored.”

Stealing 500 truckloads of sand
Police in Jamaica are investigating the theft of an entire beach. The 1,300-foot stretch of white sand was supposed to be the centerpiece of a new $108 million resort, but those plans are now on hold until the missing sand—some 500 truckloads—can be found. Police said the investigation was focusing on “the trucks themselves, the organizers, and, of course, there is some suspicion that some police were in collusion with the movers of the sand.”