Good week for:

Checking the crib, after a New York mother went in to see why her 7-month-old daughter was crying at 1 a.m. and found a snake wrapped around the baby’s leg. “Once I lifted her up and the snake fell off of her, she stopped crying,” said the mom, Cari Abatemarco. “But then I was the one crying all night.”

Voter outreach, after former Republican presidential candidate Mike Huckabee saved a man who was choking on a piece of food at a party fund-raiser in North Carolina by performing the Heimlich maneuver on him.

The endless night, after the McMurdo research base in Antarctica stocked up for two months of darkness with a shipment of 16,500 condoms. “For the most part,” said the base’s manager, the 125 scientists who’ll spend the winter there “know how to occupy their time.”

Bad week for:

Hoarding, after a Massachusetts apartment building burned down because of fumes from 45 gallons of gasoline stored in one couple’s apartment. The couple, police said after arresting them, were trying to save money by stockpiling gas before the price went up again.

Israeli giraffes, after a rabbinical court in Jerusalem declared the animal’s meat and milk to be kosher.

Political protestors,
after rumors spread that Denver authorities plan to control unruly demonstrators at this summer’s Democratic National Convention by unleashing a new infrasound weapon that makes people poop in their pants. For security reasons, city officials will not confirm or deny they’ve acquired a “crap cannon,” but say their crowd-control measures “will comply with federal and city requirements.”