Good week, Bad week

Good week for:

The miracles of science, after a U.S. military lab developed a pizza for soldiers that can stay on the shelf for up to three years—without being chilled or frozen—and still remain safe to eat. “It pretty much tastes just like a typical pan pizza,” said one food scientist.

Wild times in Wisconsin, after the state’s legislature passed a bill legalizing rubber duck races like the “Ducktona 500”—where participants throw hundreds of plastic bath toys into a river, and cheer as they bob toward a finish line. The state’s Justice Department had warned the event might break gambling laws.

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Executive orders, after President Obama cornered HBO’s chief executive at a White House dinner and asked him for advance episodes of the network’s True Detective and Game of Thrones series.

Bad week for:

Holding hands, after a group of Shanghai singles spoiled Valentine’s Day for couples by buying up every odd numbered seat at a showing of Beijing Love Story. “Sorry, you’ll have to sit separately,” said the prank’s organizer. “Absence makes the heart grow fonder.”

Victoria’s Secret, after Russia, Belarus, and Kazakhstan banned the import and production of synthetic lace underwear, claiming it’s unhygienic. “Why don’t they ban something that is actually harmful,” said one Kazakh woman, “like cigarettes or alcohol?”

Michael Bloomberg’s legacy, after New York City Hall’s vending machines were restocked with high-calorie treats like M&Ms and Doritos that were banned by the health-conscious former mayor. “The nanny has left the building,” said a City Hall staffer.