Good week, Bad week

Good week for:

Going stag, after the White House tore up its original invitations to a state dinner honoring philandering French President François Hollande to omit his recently dumped romantic partner, and seated Hollande between President Obama and his wife, Michelle.

Copying Adam and Eve, after a Virginia evangelical church began offering nude church services, claiming that forgoing clothes was in line with Jesus’ anti-materialist message. “If God made us that way,” said Pastor Allen Parker, “how can that be wrong?”

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Looking up, after scientists revealed that species of crocodiles found in Florida, Mississippi, and Africa are capable of climbing trees. One Nile crocodile was spotted on a branch 13 feet high.

Bad week for:

Happy feet, after a colony of South American penguins at a British zoo was prescribed antidepressants to help them cope with the torrential rains that have battered the country for weeks. “They are thoroughly fed up and miserable,” said a spokesperson.

Casual racism, after a Los Angeles news anchor asked Samuel L. Jackson about his recent Super Bowl TV commercial—an ad that had actually starred Laurence Fishburne. “We may all be black and famous,” Jackson shot back, “but we don’t all look alike.”

Torture, after Canadian metal band Skinny Puppy billed the U.S. government $666,000 for allegedly using their dark, frantic music to torment Guantánamo detainees. “[Our] music is unsettling for some, to say the least,” said the band’s singer. “Put into the wrong environment, it could be your biggest nightmare.”