The Week contest — Google search

Last week’s question: Researchers recently found that Google users conduct 1,000 monthly searches for “how to hide a dead body,” 1,900 for “how to get away with murder,” and 40,500 for “why did I get married?” Please help Google by providing an answer to that last search.

RESULTS:

FIRST PLACE: I needed a toaster

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Donn Smith, Columbus, Ohio

SECOND PLACE: To ensure there’d always be someone to blame

Jane Rothschild, Jacksonville, Fla.

THIRD PLACE: It’s difficult to give yourself the “You’re an idiot” look

Dan Shumaker, Framingham, Mass.

HONORABLE MENTIONS:

Last friend with benefits

Marv Hovatter, Sausalito, Calif.

So I wouldn’t be the subject of the first two searches

John Brofka, Swansea, Ill.

To provide spousal immunity for the murder and burial you are thinking about

Brad Varmo, Broomfield, Colo.

Because her daddy had a shotgun

Joanne Sullivan, Maspeth, N.Y.

To stay in America after your green card expired

Ken Kellam III, Dallas

To qualify for husband-and-wife mixed doubles tennis tournaments

Lou Franzini, St. Augustine, Fla.

Did you mean “Why did I throw away the best years of my life?”

Nancy V. Riley, Palo Alto, Calif.

Those four irresistible words: “Social Security spousal benefits”

Steve McConnell, Walpole, Mass.

I needed a tax deduction

Bill O’Meara, Bedford, N.H.

To teach you humility

James Smith, Mill Valley, Calif.

Because my life isn’t tough enough as it is

Judith L. Strzempko, Westfield, Mass.

It was on my bucket list

J. Stienstra, Lancaster, Pa.

For better or for worse: I could have done better and she could have done worse

Frank Pfeifer, Grand Junction, Colo.

Seemed less risky than “how to hide a dead body” or “how to get away with murder” at the time

Richard Koretz, La Quinta, Calif.

Because I really believed that “what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas”

Sandy Dibble, Las Vegas

Because of the evidence that married people live longer than single ones.

Teri Kreyche, Tustin, Calif.

The doctor told me I had six months to live. I got married so it would seem like forever

Kyle Parr, Roscommon, Mich.

“Life is suffering” —Buddha

Andrew Tuite, Chicago

Because alcohol advertising is legal on TV

Steve Axelrod, Delray Beach, Fla.

Tick, tick, tick, etc.

Alisa Huckaby, Mount Eden, Ky.

Most people get married for love. That is spelled S-E-X

Floyd Murphy, Orem, Utah