The Week contest — Google search
Last week’s question: Researchers recently found that Google users conduct 1,000 monthly searches for “how to hide a dead body,” 1,900 for “how to get away with murder,” and 40,500 for “why did I get married?” Please help Google by providing an answer to that last search.
FIRST PLACE: I needed a toasterDonn Smith, Columbus, OhioSECOND PLACE: To ensure there’d always be someone to blameJane Rothschild, Jacksonville, Fla.THIRD PLACE: It’s difficult to give yourself the “You’re an idiot” lookDan Shumaker, Framingham, Mass.
HONORABLE MENTIONS:Last friend with benefitsMarv Hovatter, Sausalito, Calif.So I wouldn’t be the subject of the first two searchesJohn Brofka, Swansea, Ill.To provide spousal immunity for the murder and burial you are thinking aboutBrad Varmo, Broomfield, Colo.Because her daddy had a shotgunJoanne Sullivan, Maspeth, N.Y.To stay in America after your green card expiredKen Kellam III, DallasTo qualify for husband-and-wife mixed doubles tennis tournamentsLou Franzini, St. Augustine, Fla.Did you mean “Why did I throw away the best years of my life?”Nancy V. Riley, Palo Alto, Calif.Those four irresistible words: “Social Security spousal benefits”Steve McConnell, Walpole, Mass.I needed a tax deductionBill O’Meara, Bedford, N.H.To teach you humilityJames Smith, Mill Valley, Calif.Because my life isn’t tough enough as it isJudith L. Strzempko, Westfield, Mass.It was on my bucket listJ. Stienstra, Lancaster, Pa.For better or for worse: I could have done better and she could have done worseFrank Pfeifer, Grand Junction, Colo.Seemed less risky than “how to hide a dead body” or “how to get away with murder” at the timeRichard Koretz, La Quinta, Calif.Because I really believed that “what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas”Sandy Dibble, Las VegasBecause of the evidence that married people live longer than single ones.Teri Kreyche, Tustin, Calif.The doctor told me I had six months to live. I got married so it would seem like foreverKyle Parr, Roscommon, Mich.“Life is suffering” —BuddhaAndrew Tuite, Chicago
Because alcohol advertising is legal on TVSteve Axelrod, Delray Beach, Fla.Tick, tick, tick, etc.Alisa Huckaby, Mount Eden, Ky.Most people get married for love. That is spelled S-E-XFloyd Murphy, Orem, Utah