Good week for:
Cheap labor, after several sadomasochists who responded to an ad by an Austrian woman were ordered to work on their mistress’s farm, chopping wood and mowing the grass, while wearing fetish gear. When the men realized they were being duped, they quit.
Salads in space, after NASA announced it would send six romaine lettuce plants to the International Space Station, in hopes the plants can provide astronauts with locally grown produce.
Thinking about inking, after Washington, D.C., proposed a 24-hour waiting period before people can get a tattoo or piercing. Local tattooist Paul Roe denounced the one-day wait, saying, “Over-regulation is the killer of any profession.”
Bad week for:
Anthony Weiner, who finished fifth in the New York Democratic mayoral primary, as his wife, Huma Abedin, failed to vote with him or appear at his concession speech. His former sexting partner, Sydney Leathers, did show up to taunt Weiner, so he fled his own farewell party, and gave reporters the finger as he drove off.
Doing no harm, after a patient sued a California hospital after she woke from surgery to find a fake mustache stuck to her lip and teardrop stickers on her cheeks. The anesthesiologist behind the prank said, “I thought she would think this was funny.”
Excessive politeness, after a Japanese man who had his phone and wallet stolen while visiting another city walked 870 miles back to his home. The 25-year-old said he didn’t contact police or his family during his 11-day hike, as he didn’t want “to make a fuss.”