1. Kris Jenner is annoyed that Kim Kardashian and Kanye West won't get married
Given how well Kim Kardashian's last marriage went, it's not too much of a shock that she and Kanye West haven't yet tied the knot. But there's at least one person hoping to see Kardashian head down the aisle again: Kris Jenner. "It's so annoying! I'm a little annoyed, sure," conceded Jenner on The Talk, adding that West and Kardashian "think they're Kurt Russell and Goldie Hawn now." Let's just hope there aren't any enterprising screenwriters working on a reboot of Overboard. [Us Weekly]
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2. There's a Simpsons/Family Guy crossover on the way
As The Simpsons shambles toward its 279th season on the air, it's crossing yet another milestone sure to infuriate fans who abandoned it more than a decade ago: A crossover episode with fellow Fox animated comedy Family Guy. Entertainment Weekly reports that the episode will feature the characters of Family Guy taking a road trip and ending up in Springfield, where they'll engage in a series of sub-fan fiction adventures with Homer and the gang. The report adds that the episode won't air until fall of 2014, so you have plenty of time to petition Fox to get The Simpsons canceled before then. [Entertainment Weekly]
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3. Paula Deen fans mail butter wrappers to express their rage
Paula Deen fans who are angry about the way former sponsors have treated the beleaguered chef have found the perfect method to express their rage: Butter! Deen backer John Schmitt cooked up a plan to send butter wrappers inscribed with messages defending Deen to sponsors who dropped her over her racist comments, which has since inspired other Deen fans to do the same. "Perhaps somebody somewhere in mail rooms is keeping track," says Schmitt, setting a low bar that's still probably too optimistic. [CNN]
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4. Angus T. Jones has been dropped from the Two and a Half Men theme song
Earlier this year, CBS announced that Angus T. Jones, the no-longer half man of Two and a Half Men, would be leaving the show for the greener pastures of pretty much any other job. But Jones' decision creates yet another problem for the show's creators: What to do about that maddening earworm of a theme song, which hinges on Jones' nasal singing? According to E! Online, producers plan to re-record the tune without Jones' warbling — and while they haven't announced who, if anyone, will replace him, it's safe to say he or she will be an improvement. [E! Online]
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5. One Direction's "Best Song Ever" isn't
Today, in news that would have shaken the music world if it were even remotely true, One Direction released the "Best Song Ever" — or, more accurately, a grating teen-pop anthem they sneakily titled "Best Song Ever." The new song will reportedly play a key role in the boy band's upcoming documentary This is Us, which they somehow resisted titling Best Movie Ever — presumably because Harry Styles is a hardcore Bicycle Thieves fan. [E! Online]
