Can a 3D revamp make Star Wars: Episode 1 — The Phantom Menace watchable? It's fair to say that the 1999 prequel is the least beloved of the six-film Star Wars saga. When it premiered 13 years ago, critics blasted its narrative obsession with trade taxation routes (yawn); its wooden performances; the creepy flirtation between Natalie Portman's Queen Amidala and 9-year-old Jake Lloyd's Anakin Skywalker; and, above all, the cringe-inducing stereotype known as Jar Jar Binks. Director George Lucas has since spent well over a year on a painstaking 3D conversion (debuting this weekend), which reportedly cost more than the original film. Should wary moviegoers risk $18 to check out the results?
Not a chance: This is still The Phantom Menace, so prepare to be disappointed, says Matt Maytum at Total Film. The plot is still "impenetrably dull" — assuming you haven't developed a fondness for intergalactic bureaucracy in the past decade. Anakin is as bratty as ever, and Jar Jar's "awkward racial stereotypes" are no more forgivable. As for the 3D conversion, the pod race benefits the most, "its speed-thrills boosted by arcade-style immersion." And that lightsaber duel finale "remains a series highlight, in however many dimensions." Everything in between: Still awful.
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