Glenn Beck: If Gore had won...
New York magazine finally tells the story of Al Gore's (imaginary) two-term presidency. Here's Glenn Beck's take on President Gore's gaffe-filled second term

To mark the 10th anniversary of the Supreme Court's momentous Bush v. Gore ruling which handed the presidency to George W. Bush, New York asked "five (sometime) novelists" to imagine a "parallel life" in which Albert Gore, Jr. occupied the Oval Office instead. The editors asked Fox News' Glenn Beck (author of the thriller, The Overton Window) to cover the period 2004-2005, just after the hypothetical President Gore's reelection against the "dream team for red-meat Republicans": Sen. Larry Craig (ID) and Rep. Mark Foley (FL). Here are some of Beck's could-have-beens:
1. President Gore has cut a deal to avoid a massage scandal
Illinois Senator Jack Ryan (R), seeking a way to remove his chief competition in the election, had blackmailed Gore to appoint Ryan's opponent, Barry Obama, to the Justice Department. Ryan's leverage: "Information about a certain late afternoon Gore had spent in a hotel in Chicago," in which "a trip to the day spa had turned into a second chakra-release party."
Subscribe to The Week
Escape your echo chamber. Get the facts behind the news, plus analysis from multiple perspectives.

Sign up for The Week's Free Newsletters
From our morning news briefing to a weekly Good News Newsletter, get the best of The Week delivered directly to your inbox.
From our morning news briefing to a weekly Good News Newsletter, get the best of The Week delivered directly to your inbox.
2. Arlen Specter is Gore's replacement VP
Vice President Lieberman had already resigned before the election and formed "a new, nonpartisan organization" called "the Committee on the Ever-Present Danger." President Gore needed to fill the vacancy "with someone centrist" to beat the GOP's Craig-Foley ticket. Senator Arlen Specter (D-PA) agreed to the job with "visceral lust."
3. President Gore inadvertently eats polar bear
On a visit to "Inuit tribesmen in Alaska who were threatened by global warming," Gore unwittingly eats "a freshly cut polar-bear porterhouse," symbolically "consuming the flesh of the animal his policies were supposed to be saving from extinction."
Sign up for Today's Best Articles in your inbox
A free daily email with the biggest news stories of the day – and the best features from TheWeek.com
4. FEMA head Robert Gibbs flubs Hurricane Katrina
Gibbs tries to get Gore to focus on the rising waters in New Orleans, eight days after Hurricane Katrina, but Gore pushes him off, adding: "Oh, and Gibby? You're doing a heckuva job."
5. Deputy Attorney General Barry Obama
Obama, who'd had to settle for deputy attorney general because his lack of experience made the top DOJ job "completely implausible," convinces Gore to focus on "global water depletion," which Gore describes as, "the major scientific and moral cause of our time" without knowing a thing about it.
-
What should you be stockpiling for 'World War Three'?
In the Spotlight Britons advised to prepare after the EU tells its citizens to have an emergency kit just in case
By Elizabeth Carr-Ellis, The Week UK Published
-
Carnivore diet: why people are eating only meat
The Explainer 'Meatfluencers' are taking social media by storm but experts warn meat-only diets have health consequences
By Elizabeth Carr-Ellis, The Week UK Published
-
Scientists want to fight malaria by poisoning mosquitoes with human blood
Under the radar Drugging the bugs
By Devika Rao, The Week US Published
-
The JFK files: the truth at last?
In The Spotlight More than 64,000 previously classified documents relating the 1963 assassination of John F. Kennedy have been released by the Trump administration
By The Week Staff Published
-
'Seriously, not literally': how should the world take Donald Trump?
Today's big question White House rhetoric and reality look likely to become increasingly blurred
By Sorcha Bradley, The Week UK Published
-
Will Trump's 'madman' strategy pay off?
Today's Big Question Incoming US president likes to seem unpredictable but, this time round, world leaders could be wise to his playbook
By Sorcha Bradley, The Week UK Published
-
Democrats vs. Republicans: who are the billionaires backing?
The Explainer Younger tech titans join 'boys' club throwing money and support' behind President Trump, while older plutocrats quietly rebuke new administration
By Harriet Marsden, The Week UK Published
-
US election: where things stand with one week to go
The Explainer Harris' lead in the polls has been narrowing in Trump's favour, but her campaign remains 'cautiously optimistic'
By Harriet Marsden, The Week UK Published
-
Is Trump okay?
Today's Big Question Former president's mental fitness and alleged cognitive decline firmly back in the spotlight after 'bizarre' town hall event
By Harriet Marsden, The Week UK Published
-
The life and times of Kamala Harris
The Explainer The vice-president is narrowly leading the race to become the next US president. How did she get to where she is now?
By The Week UK Published
-
Will 'weirdly civil' VP debate move dial in US election?
Today's Big Question 'Diametrically opposed' candidates showed 'a lot of commonality' on some issues, but offered competing visions for America's future and democracy
By Harriet Marsden, The Week UK Published