15 best health-care jokes of 2009

The good news: It looks likely that President Obama will sign a health care bill into law by February. The bad news: That could mark the end of boredom-relieving healh-care reform jokes on late-night TV. Here, a month-by-month review of the most incisive witticisms from the likes of Letterman, Leno, and O'Brien. (Watch a video collection of the best health-care jokes from December, 2009)

JUNE

"President Obama is proposing a new national health-care plan that's both inexpensive and accessible. He's calling it Have Your Surgery in Mexico." — Jimmy Fallon

Subscribe to The Week

Escape your echo chamber. Get the facts behind the news, plus analysis from multiple perspectives.

SUBSCRIBE & SAVE

Sign up for The Week's Free Newsletters

From our morning news briefing to a weekly Good News Newsletter, get the best of The Week delivered directly to your inbox.

From our morning news briefing to a weekly Good News Newsletter, get the best of The Week delivered directly to your inbox.

Sign up

JULY

"President Obama recently said that the best way to pay for his health-care plan is to raise taxes on people like him. As a result, the government is raising taxes on all half-Kenyan, half-Kansan presidents who were born in Hawaii." — Conan O’Brien

AUGUST

"Obama's birthday is a reminder of why health care is so important. As you probably known, due to a lack of health-care coverage, Obama's mother was turned away from a number of hospitals and was ultimately forced to give birth in a manger." — Jimmy Kimmel

"President Obama has been explaining his health-care plan now to senior citizens. And yesterday, at a town hall meeting, he promised the crowd that he will not, quote, ‘pull the plug on Grandma.’ Then, there was an awkward moment when Grandpa stood up and booed." — Conan O’Brien

"And now, there's actual fist-fights that are breaking out in town hall meetings. And I have to say this, if you get injured while fighting against health care, you have to lie there and bleed. You just do. I'm sorry." — Bill Maher

SEPTEMBER

"After Joe Wilson’s outburst last night, everyone was shocked. Usually when a politician shoots his mouth off and makes a fool of himself, his name is Joe Biden." — Craig Ferguson

"Today's the first day of autumn, although Sarah Palin said today that the dying leaves are because of Obama's health-care plan." — Jay Leno

OCTOBER

"Did you know the Nobel Peace Prize comes with a cash award? It’s like a million dollars. Actually, it’s $1.4 million. See, apparently, this is President Obama’s plan to finance health-care reform. Keep winning these awards — the Nobel, the Powerball, the Publishers Clearinghouse Sweepstakes — keep winning these, and we can pay for the whole health-care thing." — Jay Leno

"Republican Sen. Olympia Snowe broke ranks with her party and voted for the Democrats' healthcare bill. She's been missing ever since." — Jimmy Fallon

"Well, here’s some news. President Obama’s health-care plan passed the Senate Finance Committee this afternoon. Republicans are disappointed because they had their own version of the health plan. That was going to be swine flu masks and Purell." — David Letterman

NOVEMBER

“You know what's worse than being sick and not having health insurance? Having to sit through the Lieberman filibuster that kept it from you." — Jon Stewart

"Hey, the health care bill was introduced yesterday. It's 1,990 pages long and costs $894 billion dollars. Or $2.2 million per word. That makes them the most expensive words to come out of Washington since 'Mission Accomplished.'" — Jimmy Fallon

DECEMBER

"President Obama says that Congress is very close to getting a new health-care plan, but due to compromises, it “won’t include everything that everybody wants.” For instance, it covers everything except trips to the doctor or the hospital." — Conan O’Brien

"Well, here’s good news, I think. The Democrats down in Washington believe they have 60 votes to pass a health care bill. That’s 58 Democrats and the Salahis. They’re going to go in there and vote." — David Letterman

"Not such a great day for the health-care reform. The so-called public option died on the Senate floor today. It could have survived, but apparently, it had a pre-existing condition." — Craig Ferguson