Chuck Norris, Texas secessionist

“In what could be the most egregious misuse of his Chuck Norris powers” since he endorsed Mike Huckabee, said Edward Ericson Jr. in the Baltimore City Paper, the martial artist and TV star suggested that Texas was ripe to secede from the union, that he ‘may run for President’ of the Republic of Texas, and that there are thousands of “right-wing ‘cells’” ready to follow radio host Glen Beck’s marching orders.

The need to secede “may be a reality sooner than we think,” said Chuck Norris in Townhall. My president-of-Texas quip was tongue-in-cheek, but the idea behind it isn’t. Washington is “moving farther and farther from its Founders’ vision and government,” and the people won’t stand for it. And Texas—it’s own republic from 1836 to 1846—is the logical place to make a stand.

“Texas tried to cut out once already,” with the rest of the Confederacy, said Bud Kennedy in the Fort Worth Star-Telegram, and it was an epic failure. Norris’ main beef seems to be that we have “a secular government,” and he blames both parties. “Gosh.” Well, before we get all excited and “gather arms to establish One Nation Under Chuck,” we should check his eligibility: He may be a Texas Ranger, but he’s also a native-born Oklahoman.