Small crooks, Justin Timberlake's excuse

last updated 8 January 2015

Swedish gangs are stealing valuables from long-distance bus passengers by hiding dwarves inside luggage. Police say criminal gangs are packing the tiny people into suitcases and instructing them to emerge inside the bus’ luggage compartments. There, the dwarves rifle through the other bags, and then zip themselves back into their own suitcases before arriving at a destination, where the stolen booty is collected by a taller accomplice. “We are looking at our records to identify criminals of limited stature,” said a spokesman for police.

Justin Timberlake has the perfect excuse not to get engaged to his current sweetheart, actress Jessica Biel. When Biel pressed the famously skittish singer for a commitment, says The National Enquirer, Timberlake said he didn’t want to push his troubled ex-girlfriend, Britney Spears, over the edge. “We simply can’t get engaged right now,” insiders quote him telling Biel. “I don’t want to do anything to cause Britney further pain.” He added with great sincerity, “I have a heart.”

An Australian hotel guest was surprised when a messenger knocked on his door in the middle of the night and delivered him a human eyeball. Gabriel Winner, a receptionist at the hotel on the island of Tasmania, was on duty when the distressed guest came down carrying the box, which was supposed to be delivered to a hospital for use in a transplant. “I went and put it in the fridge,” said Winner, “because I didn’t know what else to do with it.”