It's a brow-meltingly hot New York summer evening. I have my feet up on a knitted pouf and I'm watching a show about witches on Netflix. I'm also drinking a beer — my first, but possibly not my last, of the week. Did I mention that I'm nearly eight months pregnant?
You should also know that I'm British, but knocked up and raising kids in America, where virtually none of the women I know drink — even a little bit — when they're pregnant. By contrast, most of my U.K. mum friends indulge every so often when they're expecting. It was only when I first became pregnant that I realized just how frowned upon this behavior is in the U.S.
Nearly every time I've ordered alcohol in a restaurant while noticeably with child, my server has chucked me a horrified glare along with the breadbasket. And while most of my American friends like to drink, I'm rarely offered one as a pregnant person in their company. It's not rudeness; they just assume I'm abstaining. I sometimes mention, meekly, that actually I haven't entirely given up drinking. They're polite about it, then pass me the juice.
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But I suppose America's attitude towards pregnant boozing makes sense. A notice that says, "Drinking alcoholic beverages during pregnancy can cause birth defects" is mounted prominently in every booze-serving establishment in New York, while other states' drinking establishments display similarly ominous signs. I can absolutely understand why seeing these terrifying statements your whole life would discourage mothers-to-be from cracking open a brew. Ask your American obstetrician for a second opinion and they'll likely give you the same stern, conservative advice.
Perhaps the fact that I grew up on a continent where people don't frown on the occasional pregnant tipple is why I'm so dismissive of these warnings. Since my morning sickness was replaced by second trimester wellness, I've fancied the occasional glass of wine and gone with that urge. It was the same with my first pregnancy. And let me reassure you that my daughter was not, in fact, born with two heads and a tail. Currently, she's a triumph of toddler norms: a cute, cuddly, curious creature who occasionally morphs into a raging jerk. My point is, I'm not in the slightest bit worried that my occasional sips of alcohol when she was a womb-dweller have damaged her as an actual child.
The drinking issue is presented as black and white in the U.S. Basically: Don't do it ladies! It's difficult, particularly at your most scared, swollen, and hormonal, not to heed that advice to the letter. But in reality, there's a massive difference between having the occasional bottle of beer and the kind of fierce boozing that does, without question, produce babies with fetal alcohol syndrome and other related problems.
Some of the most comprehensive recent studies, which look specifically at low-level to moderate drinking while pregnant, support my suspicions: that there are no significant negative outcomes for babies born to mothers who drank a small amount, say a glass or two of wine a week, while pregnant. Some, however, do suggest a link between minimal maternal alcohol consumption and children with poor attention span, weak academic performance, and behavioral problems. But the science is ambiguous largely because it's virtually impossible to control for all the other factors — environmental and genetic — that may play a part in a child's development. So yes, I fully admit that I'm taking an educated risk.
But then, presumably, I'm also playing bacteria and toxin roulette by cleaning my toilet, eating my toddler's scraps off the floor, and living in a horribly polluted city while pregnant. Every day, I breathe in particles that waft off the four-lane road half a block from my apartment, passing undesirable contaminants into my unborn baby's blood stream.
Surely the only way to safeguard my children from everything "toxic" — and frankly I'm not up to the challenge — is to go and live in the woods with a guide to edible plants.
I've met other pregnant moms in New York who wouldn't dream of being so irresponsible as to have a glass of wine. Fair enough. But a lot of them do other things that could potentially damage their unborn kids — and they receive no flack from society. I've known expectant women who've fanatically avoided alcohol but haven't thought twice about downing non-FDA approved herbal supplements or eating unpasteurized cheese.
I'm not suggesting that anyone do anything they're not comfortable with during pregnancy; we all risk-manage our families differently. I'm just saying: please don't quietly — or loudly — condemn those who decide that a couple of drinks a week is an acceptable risk while pregnant.
For now, I'll carry on my occasional indulgence, but probably alone on the sofa, where only TV's fictional witches can judge me.
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