The daily gossip: Dakota Johnson brutally jokes about Armie Hammer trying to 'eat' women, Ariana Grande assures fans she's still a singer, and more

Dakota Johnson is bringing down the hammer. On the opening night of the Sundance Film Festival, the actress cracked an absolutely brutal joke about the allegations that disgraced actor Armie Hammer has a bizarre cannibalism fetish. Johnson recalled that Hammer's film Call Me By Your Name premiered at Sundance six years ago, joking she was nearly cast in it. "It was unfortunate," she said. "[Director] Luca [Guadagnino] had asked me to play the role of the peach, but our schedules conflicted." The 2017 movie famously includes a scene where Timothée Chalamet's character ejaculates into a peach. Johnson, who starred with Hammer in The Social Network and Wounds, then quipped "thank God" she wasn't cast as the peach "because then I would have been another woman that Armie Hammer had tried to eat." Congrats to Johnson for successfully ensuring the first result when you Google "Dakota Johnson Armie Hammer" is no longer "Dakota Johnson Defends Armie Hammer." 

She's melting, she's melting … hearts. Ariana Grande has taken to TikTok amid production of Wicked to refute claims she isn't even a singer anymore just because it's been a minute since she dropped a new album. "[I'm] literally on set filming two musical movies all day every day," she wrote to everyone asking "why aren't you a singer anymoree?!?!?" She's referring to the two-part Wicked movie, which she's currently shooting after being cast as Glinda. To prove she's still got it, Grande shared a video of herself singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow" wrapped in a pink sweater (to hide the blonde hair she has for the film, she admitted). "Wanted to sing you a little something but don't want to sing anything that is not 'Ozian' at the moment," she wrote, adding that she's "keeping to my little bubble for now." To those who thought the star of a major studio musical is done with singing … if you only had a brain. 

Good grief, America. T.J. Holmes, the Good Morning America anchor accused of having an affair with his co-host Amy Robach, has now also been accused of a separate affair with another woman 13 years his junior. A source alleged to the Daily Mail that Holmes had a sexual relationship in 2015 with 24-year-old Jasmin Pettaway, a script coordinator for ABC, while he was married. "She was looking for a mentor and she reached out to several people," the source claimed. "T.J was someone who was responsive, but he absolutely abused the position of trust." Their relationship "got sexual" for the first time in Holmes' office, hours before he was set to go on air, the source claimed. The Daily Mail also reports that Holmes allegedly made unwanted advances toward a "young network intern." Holmes and Robach were pulled from the air in December after their alleged affair was revealed, and the chances of them ever returning grow slimmer each day.  

Don't be fooled by the Emmy that she's got. She's still Jenny from ... Norwell, Massachusetts. Jennifer Coolidge has sent us all into the weekend on a high by launching a brand new TikTok account. "This is my first TikTok, and I was trying to think of something cool to do," the White Lotus star says, "and I think I'm just going to do a poem that I like." But rather than busting out some Robert Frost or Emily Dickinson, she instead decides to quote a real poet: J.Lo. "Don't be fooled by the rocks that I got," Coolidge dramatically says — not sings. "I'm still Jenny, Jenny, Jenny from the block." Those are, of course, the lyrics to Jennifer Lopez's "Jenny from the Block" — and Coolidge then pans over to show Lopez herself sitting next to her. "I like that," Lopez says. "I really, really like that!" And with that, a nation waits with bated breath for Coolidge to do the M3GAN dance. 

David Crosby won't just be remembered as part of the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame, but also of the Final Tweets Hall of Fame. Crosby, the founding member of Byrds and Crosby, Stills & Nash, has died at 81, prompting an outpouring of tributes. "David is gone, but his music lives on," Neil Young said. The famed singer and songwriter was famously quite active on Twitter, a platform he used to pick a bone with everyone from "brainless twit" Ted Nugent to "s--thead" Mike Love and tell random followers to step up their joint-rolling game. He remained active right up until his death. In fact, on Wednesday, Crosby even jokingly replied to a tweet about heaven by writing, "I heard the place is overrated … cloudy." Crosby's other final tweets included everything from sounding off on the GOP to expressing approval of a random follower's "beautiful" rolled joint. The man was a poster until the very end.