'it started to get really dark'
Selena Gomez is getting real with fans about her mental health.
The pop star opened up in a new Rolling Stone profile about being diagnosed with bipolar disorder, revealing she spent years contemplating suicide as she struggled with anxiety and depression.
"I thought the world would be better if I wasn't there," she said, recalling periods where she was unable to get out of bed for weeks. "My friends would bring me food because they love me, but none of us knew what it was," she said.
Gomez told the outlet she has been to four treatment centers after "it started to get really dark" in her early 20s, and she began hearing voices in 2018. While at one treatment facility, she spent "several months suspended in paranoia," Rolling Stone reports. The singer and Only Murders in the Building star began taking medication after being diagnosed with bipolar disorder, though she recalled that as a result of the drugs, there "was no part of me that was there anymore."
When she left that treatment facility, a psychiatrist pulled Gomez off all but two medications, and she said she had to "detox" from them and "learn how to remember certain words." She remains on two medications for her bipolar disorder now, and Rolling Stone reports this likely means she won't be able to carry children, which Gomez described as a "very big, big, present thing in my life."
Gomez's mental health struggles are explored in a revealing new Apple documentary Selena Gomez: My Mind & Me, which debuts Friday. Ahead of the film's release, she dropped a new single, "My Mind & Me," on Thursday, which includes the lyrics, "If I pull back the curtain, then maybe someone who's hurting will be a little more certain they're not the only one lost."