The best tabloid stories of 2023

Ripped roo goes rogue

A man in Australia had to come to the rescue when an unusually buff kangaroo tried to drown his dog. Mick Moloney was by a river in Victoria when the roo grabbed his akita as it was paddling, and started trying to push it beneath the water. Although alarmed by "the muscles on this thing", Moloney waded in, and after "a tussle", the roo backed off. It was very aggressive, but Moloney said he wouldn’t be avoiding the area. "I don’t want the roos thinking that we’re scared."

Christmas chaos

A GP surgery in Doncaster apologised for sending thousands of patients a text message informing them that they had "aggressive lung cancer". The text, sent out just before Christmas last year, went to patients registered with the Askern Medical Practice. Twenty-two minutes later, they were sent a follow-up text, offering "sincere apologies" for the error. "Our message to you should have read ‘We wish you a very merry Christmas and a Happy New Year.'"

Baby's first burlesque

Scantily clad cabaret dancers performed at an unusual parent-and-baby event in London earlier this year. The "Caba Baba Rave" show, advertised as a "little slice of afternoon delight", featured drag artists and dancers wearing thongs and bondage gear doing acrobatic manoeuvres – along with "sensory moments" for the babies. The organisers explained that the event was for parents who were "sick of listening to the f**king Wheels on the Bus".

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Aquatic antics

An official in India was suspended from his job for draining two million litres of water out of a reservoir, so that he could retrieve his lost smartphone. Rajesh Vishwas, a food inspector, had been taking a selfie when he dropped his Samsung into Kherkatta Dam in the central state of Chhattisgarh. He first called on divers to search for the phone – which he claimed held sensitive government data; when they failed to locate it, he ordered the reservoir be drained into a nearby canal. The phone was found, but it would no longer turn on.

Highway to hel

The 666 bus route to Hel in Poland was renamed earlier this year. The operator, PKS Gdynia, decided to change it to 669, in response to complaints from Christian groups that the bus to Hel bore the Biblical "number of the beast". Religious conservatives had long been concerned that the route (popular with tourists visiting the picturesque Hel peninsula) was "spreading Satanism", and expressed outrage that some commentators regarded the matter as a "Joke".

Horn to be wild

A Brazilian body-modification enthusiast and tattoo artist known as "Human Satan" has broken the Guinness World Record for the largest number of horn implants in the head. Michel Praddo, who has 33 horns, secured the title after beating a rival with just 18. "It was very special and surreal," he said. "A dream come true."

Ice, ice, baby

A photograph of an unusually shaped iceberg (pictured) drifting off the coast of Canada caused much merriment on social media in May. The picture of the 30ft iceberg, dubbed the "Dicky Berg", was captured by Ken Pretty, a drone photographer from the town of Dildo in Newfoundland. "Looking from the land, it wasn’t quite clear,” he said. "But once I got the drone out there, it was unreal how much it looked like, well, you know."

Mock-eating mania

In a social media craze that swept China this year, users posted images of themselves making and eating "white-people food" – such as plain, sliced bread sandwiches, undressed salads and carrot sticks – as self-torture. "The point of the white people’s meal is to learn what it feels like to be dead," one explained under a photo of a ham and cheese sarnie. Ideally, they said, the food will be cold. It will have no flavour and impart no pleasure. Another dubbed it the "lunch of suffering".

A snakey surprise and hawkward encounter

A Texas woman was left with serious wounds when she was attacked first by a snake that fell from the sky, then by a hawk that swooped down to retrieve its prey. Peggy Jones, 64, was mowing her lawn when the 4ft-long serpent – probably a non-venomous rat snake – landed on her, wrapped itself around her arm, and bit her repeatedly. Then the hawk attacked her four times, gashing her arm with its talons. "I just kept saying, 'Help me, Jesus, help me, Jesus,'" Jones recalled. “I feel differently about life now.”

Leafy loo

An environmental activist has hit on a new way of saving the planet: growing your own toilet paper. Robin Greenfield, 36, from North Carolina, stopped buying loo roll in 2013, and initially used old tissues and napkins in its place. But five years ago, he realised that the leaves of the blue spur flower were a better substitute. "The leaves are super soft, can withstand pressure and won’t break through, plus they have a natural, minty scent," he explained.

Tesco tattoo triumph

A regular Tesco shopper decided to have his Clubcard’s QR code tattooed onto his wrist, because he kept leaving the real thing at home. Dean Mayhew, a scaffolder from Bideford in Devon, said that with the cost of food rising, he couldn’t afford to miss out on the savings. "Sometimes when I go in there, the cashier doesn’t believe it’s real – I have to tell them 'Just scan it please!'," he explained. However, he said he was a bit disappointed by how few Clubcard points he had managed to accumulate, and that his next tattoo might be Sainsbury’s Nectar card.

Mask-erade madness

A logistics company in China asked job applicants to wear plain white plastic costume masks when they came in for their interviews in February, apparently to ensure that they were not discriminated against. Chengdu Ant Logistics, in Sichuan province, explained that the masks reduced candidates’ stress levels, and underlined the company’s belief that skills and experience matter more than appearances. The managers conducting the interview were also required to wear masks, while applicants were allowed to decorate their masks in any way that they wanted. "This is equality," noted one approving social media user. "Good looks should not count."