The Week contest: Pay wedding

This week's question: A Houston groom has gone viral after fuming online about how his friends and family are refusing to pay a $450 entry fee for his upcoming wedding. In seven or fewer words, come up with a diplomatic RSVP message that a guest might send to explain why they will not be shelling out to attend the nuptials.
Click here to see the results of last week's contest: Hobbyhorse movie
RESULTS:
The Week
Escape your echo chamber. Get the facts behind the news, plus analysis from multiple perspectives.

Sign up for The Week's Free Newsletters
From our morning news briefing to a weekly Good News Newsletter, get the best of The Week delivered directly to your inbox.
From our morning news briefing to a weekly Good News Newsletter, get the best of The Week delivered directly to your inbox.
THE WINNER: "Dearly beloved, you aren't that beloved"
Matthew Clay Lane, Emporia, Kansas
SECOND PLACE: "Regrets, but count me in for funeral"
Ann Dunsky, Thomaston, Connecticut
A free daily email with the biggest news stories of the day – and the best features from TheWeek.com
THIRD PLACE: "Thank you, but go fund yourself"
Mary Albertelli, Wellesley, Massachusetts
HONORABLE MENTIONS:
"It's not you, it’s fee"
Suzanne Wilmot, Lawrence, Kansas
"Sorry, I now require $500 appearance fee"
Bill Winslow, Alexandria, Virginia
"With deepest regrets and shallowest pockets"
Kenneth Burgan, Grass Valley, California
"First repay $200k spent raising you. – Dad"
Jane Lordeman, Gettysburg, Pennsylvania
"I’ll send $450 later for the divorce"
Peter Gordon, Great Neck, New York
"We have a bankruptcy hearing that day"
Patty Oberhausen, Fort Wayne, Indiana
"Sorry, kids need to eat that weekend"
Robert Berest, Manhasset, New York
"I'm just not that into you"
Dan Schwerin, Sun Prairie, Wisconsin
"You may now kiss the backside"
Joel Nelson, Goleta, California
"Can't attend the big event, unless you want to pay my rent"
John R. Bregoli, Braintree, Massachusetts
"May you have the reception you deserve"
Daniel Hicks, Randolph, Massachusetts
"Can't attend wedding. Will miss you mooch"
Tom Koloski, Ardsley, New York
"Can't give you anything but love, baby"
Claude Offenbacher, Eugene, Oregon
"Regrets — we have debts!"
Lavinia Ycas, Boulder, Colorado
"My money has other plans. Sorry!"
James Lister Smith, Delancey, New York
"Wedding entry: $450. Loss of Friendship: Priceless"
Rick Heislein, Bolton, Massachusetts
-
A Spinal Tap reunion, Thomas Pynchon by way of Paul Thomas Anderson and a harrowing Stephen King adaptation in September movies
the week recommends This month's new releases include 'Spinal Tap II,' 'One Battle After Another' and 'The Long Walk'
-
'Vampire energy' could be causing your electric bill to rise
Under the Radar Wasted energy could account for up to 10% of home use
-
Sudoku medium: September 10, 2025
The Week's daily medium sudoku puzzle
-
Quiz of The Week: 30 August – 5 September
Quiz Have you been paying attention to The Week's news?
-
Quiz of The Week: 23 – 29 August
Quiz Have you been paying attention to The Week's news?
-
The Week contest: Rock grandfather
Puzzles and Quizzes
-
Magazine solutions - September 5 / September 12, 2025
Puzzle and Quizzes Issue - September 5 / September 12, 2025
-
Magazine printables - September 5 / September 12, 2025
Puzzles and Quizzes Issue - September 5 / September 12, 2025
-
Quiz of The Week: 16 – 22 August
Quiz Have you been paying attention to The Week's news?
-
Magazine solutions - August 29, 2025
Puzzles and Quizzes Issue - August 29, 2025
-
Magazine printables - August 29, 2025
Puzzles and Quizzes Issue - August 29, 2025