Speed Reads

The Daily Showdown

Jon Stewart on Hong Kong protests: China is 'beating us at both the Occupy and the Wall Street!'

A few weeks ago, Jon Stewart marveled at how, with Alibaba's IPO on the New York Stock Exchange, communist China is beating the U.S. at dodgy, unfettered capitalism. On Monday night's Daily Show, he found another area where China is topping America: Pro-democracy protests. The massive, persistent demonstrations in Hong Kong have been peaceful and orderly, the protesters have cleaned up or recycled their mess, and even the police politely warn demonstrators before blasting them with tear gas and pepper spray.

"They're beating us at both the 'occupy' and the 'Wall Street' — it's not fair." Stewart lamented, tongue only partly in cheek. China is even besting the U.S. at "rich, entitled celeb-utants tweeting stupid, out-of-touch opinions," he grimaced, citing some idiotically inflammatory social media comments from the 22-year-old daughter of Hong Kong's chief executive. "What kind of communists are these people?" Stewart gasped. "Even Paris Hilton is, like, 'Take it down a notch!'"

Stewart ended the segment with some speculation about the mysterious absence of North Korean leader Kim Jong Un, who has been described as in "discomfort" or afflicted with gout, two broken ankles, and other maladies. With the second-highest-ranking North Korea traveling to Seoul to talk rapprochement, Stewart said, Kim seems to have a bad "quietly-toppled-in-a-coup-ache." We'll see. --Peter Weber