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Sink your teeth into this

Luis Suarez says he did not intentionally bite Giorgio Chiellini: 'I lost my balance'

Luis Suarez's letter of defense to FIFA's disciplinary committee may raise some eyebrows, but it is not likely to get the Uruguay striker's nine-match ban reduced.

While Uruguay defeated Italy 1-0 on Wednesday, the only story of note from that game was Suarez's bizarre bite on Giorgio Chiellini's shoulder. Nor was it Suarez's first chomping incident on a pitch, hence the FIFA panel's tough ban. But Suarez wrote in a letter to the panel that the bite "in no way it happened how you have described, as a bite or intent to bite."

Rather, "I lost my balance, making my body unstable and falling on top of my opponent," Suarez wrote in the Spanish submission reported by The Associated Press. "At that moment, I hit my face against the player, leaving a small bruise on my cheek and a strong pain in my teeth."

A small bruise on his cheek! A strong pain in his teeth! Come on, FIFA, show some compassion, the man has suffered enough.