Speed Reads

Crime and punishment

Burglars steal commemorative spoons from James Garfield's tomb


You know your obsession with American history has gone too far when you find yourself stealing dinnerware from a late president's tomb.

The Washington Post reports that thieves broke into the James A. Garfield monument at Lake View Cemetery in Cleveland, Ohio. Katherine Goss, the cemetery's president and chief executive, says that 13 commemorative spoons, which have almost no monetary value, are missing. "We were like, 'Really? They took spoons?'" Goss told The Washington Post.

The burglars weren't quick to cover their tracks, leaving behind a T-shirt, cigarette butts, and an empty bottle of Fireball whiskey. This sounds like a game of True American gone horribly, horribly wrong.