When chocolates and flowers just aren't enough, consider naming a Madagascar hissing cockroach after your sweetheart.
Back by popular demand this Valentine's Day, the Bronx Zoo's Name-a-Roach program lets a person pay for the honor of naming one of the many cockroaches that live on the grounds after a loved one (or, in several cases, an ex). These roaches are pretty big catches — as the zoo writes on its website, they have "six legs [and] a surprisingly high toleration for radiation" — and also bring in a good amount of money, as $10 from every participant goes to the Wildlife Conservation Society. Go ahead, name one after your darling mother-in-law.
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