Stephen Colbert explains why Hillary Clinton did not pick Starbucks CEO for VP

Stephen Colbert looks over Hillary Clinton's passed-over VP list
(Image credit: Late Show)

Stephen Colbert began Tuesday's Late Show monologue with Donald Trump, but he quickly pivoted. "Did you know — trivia question — did you know there is someone else running for president?" he asked. "Hillary Clinton — it's true, you can look it up." And she has problems, too. "Every day we get a new revelation about Clinton from WikiLeaks," he said. "Any more and we're going to need WikiDepends." The latest batch includes a list of the running mates Clinton was considering, and it's a long one, with nearly 40 names categorized in what John Podesta called "rough food groups." That "of course can only mean one thing: John Podesta eats people," Colbert said, to dramatic music.

"Also in the WikiLeak-released list are business leaders like Apple CEO Tim Cook and Starbucks CEO Howard Schultz, but apparently Hillary decided against Schultz because the race already had one pumpkin-spiced candidate," Colbert said. That was, of course, a reference to Trump, and he pulled out a list of Trump's VP options, including an unnecessary dig at Tiffany Trump.

"Speaking of rambley old men, last week Bob Dylan won the Nobel Prize in Literature," Colbert said. The Nobel Swedish Academy says it can't find Dylan, he added, and while "he could be anywhere, if I were looking for him tonight, I might try the Kiva Auditorium in Albuquerque, New Mexico, because that's where he is." If the Nobel people can't figure out Dylan's published tour schedule, they say they will have a great party with or without him. "Wow, someone just won the Nobel Passive Aggressive Prize," Colbert said, and you can watch below. Peter Weber

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Peter Weber

Peter Weber is a senior editor at, and has handled the editorial night shift since the website launched in 2008. A graduate of Northwestern University, Peter has worked at Facts on File and The New York Times Magazine. He speaks Spanish and Italian and plays bass and rhythm cello in an Austin rock band. Follow him on Twitter.