Speed Reads

Late Night Tackles President Trump

Stephen Colbert golf-claps for Trump's visit to the Museum of African American History

President Trump visited the Smithsonian's new Museum of African American History and Culture on Tuesday. It was an exciting, delayed "field trip," Stephen Colbert said on Tuesday's Late Show, though beforehand "he was so worried Steve Bannon wouldn't sign his permission slip." After his tour, Colbert said, Trump praised "the greatest figures in African American history, like Sojourner Truth, Booker T. Washington, and Ben Carson," before mentioning Sen. Tim Scott (R-S.C.) — and quickly pivoting to his own win in South Carolina. "Yes, he loves those states where he won by double, double, double digits, but he seems to hate the country where he lost by millions, millions, millions of votes," Colbert zinged, adding, "he's still president, he's just a loser president."

Colbert touched on the Department of Homeland Security's new directives on how to carry out Trump's immigration orders, but mostly to introduce a story about hunters in Texas who shot each other and falsely blamed illegal Mexican immigrants. "It's like the old joke: Knock, knock. Blam, blam, blam!" he said, after explaining the particulars of the tale.

Trump has already hit the links an impressive six times in his first month in office, Colbert noted, and when the audience laughed he had them golf-clap instead. "Now, we know that the president has been to the golf course six times, but for some reason his aides would not confirm that Trump played golf each time he went to the course," he said. "Sure, he could be on the course for any reason — we know he loves making fun of people's handicaps." The reason they are being cagey is likely because Trump frequently criticized President Barack Obama's golfing and said he himself wouldn't have time to golf as president. "Well, then that's good news," Colbert said. "If Trump has time to be out on the golf course, I guess that means America is great again."

Colbert ended his monologue with a look at Pope Francis' recent lecture about today's youths. The pope "addressed a vexing theological issue: texting at dinner," blaming it for starting wars, he noted, and also said today's kids have bad manners. "I don't get it — Francis was supposed to be the cool pope, but now it seems like he's turning into Curmudgeon I," Colbert said. He ended with a clip for his new premium cable show, Old Pope, and you can watch below. Peter Weber