Speed Reads

Late Night Tackles President Trump

Stephen Colbert cheerfully teaches Trump about tax-cut branding, Don Jr. about candy socialism

Stephen Colbert kicked of Wednesday's Late Show by declaring his pride to be filming in New York City, where hours after a terrorist attack killed eight people in lower Manhattan, New Yorkers held a big, sloppy Halloween bacchanal. "You cannot stop New Yorkers!" he said. And you also can't stop President Trump from tweeting, this time to politicize the attack by going after Sen. Chuck Schumer (D-N.Y.) and a particular visa program, saying he wants "merit based." "We all want merit-based, sir, but you're still the president," Colbert sighed.

Trump also tweeted about the GOP tax bill, and Colbert said we now know why it is being released a day late: Republicans can't agree on a name. "Apparently, calling it 'The Koch Brothers' All-American Up-Tricklin' Cash-Grab-a-Rama' was a little on the nose," he said, laughing at House Speaker Paul Ryan's idea to let Trump name the bill because of his branding skills. "So what did Trump come back with? Ladies and gentlemen, I give you the actual name out president proposed for his tax bill: The Cut Cut Cut Act." Ryan pushed back, to no avail, Colbert said, but "did manage to convince the president not to spell 'Cut Cut Cut' with three Ks."

Colbert then took a probably unnecessary jab at a widely mocked tweet Donald Trump Jr. sent Halloween night about teaching his daughter "socialism" by giving half her candy away. "Yes, it's never too early to teach kids the danger of sharing," Colbert said. "While we're at it, Don Jr., on Halloween, kids literally go door to door to get free candy from the neighbors because the kids don't have it and the neighbors do. That's socialism." He ended with a lesson on using candy to make a point, though he cheated with that last chocolate bar. Peter Weber