Speed Reads

Late Night Tackles Trump versus Mueller

Stephen Colbert has an audacious idea for Trump's next lawyer in the Mueller-Russia investigation

President Trump is rather famously having trouble finding good lawyers to represent him in Special Counsel Robert Mueller's Russia investigation, and two more prominent attorneys turned him down on Monday, Stephen Colbert said on Tuesday's Late Show. Those lawyers and two who backed out Sunday all cited "conflicts," Colbert said, imagining their excuse: "Oh, I'd love to be your lawyer, Donald, but I've got conflicts. It turns out I'm already scheduled to ride a mechanical bull made of cheese graters and then squat in a bowl of gin, and I'd much rather do that."

"Now this next part's weird," Colbert said, pointing to a report that Mueller himself may actually be quietly steering Trump away from conflicted or otherwise harmful legal counsel. "Now if this is true," he said, "then clearly the best lawyer Trump has against Robert Mueller is ... Robert Mueller." He pantomimed Mueller being both Trump's defense lawyer and prosecutor.

Colbert turned to since-confirmed reports that North Korean leader Kim Jong Un traveled to Beijing over the weekend, and he focused on the unusual vehicle that tipped off Kim's journey. "Little is known about this mystery train, hence the name," he said, but when Kim's father, Kim Jong Il, used this slow but bulletproof mode of transport, he had it decked out for lavish parties, heavy drinking, and karaoke. "Now, that sounds fun," Colbert said, "until you're trapped in the dining car with a murderous madman singing 'Crazy Train.'" Watch below. Peter Weber