Speed Reads

Late night Tackles the government shutdown

Stephen Colbert, Trevor Noah, and Jimmy Kimmel mock Trump's 'Drunk History lesson' on walls and wheels

On Day 20 of the government shutdown "the president flew down to the southern border to ... point at the big empty space where the wall would go?" Stephen Colbert mused on Thursday's Late Show. President Trump "gave a firm meh" on declaring a national emergency to build his wall, because "that's just how emergencies are: You can never tell if they're urgent or not," he deadpanned. "By the way, illegal border crossings are down to a 46-year low right now, so what is the actual maybe emergency?" (A new "caravan.")

Colbert poked at Trump's claim he doesn't throw "temper tantrums" and is "a professional at technology," his newly coined phrase "peachy-dory," and his odd suggestion that the wheel is older than the wall. "I don't know if that's true," Colbert said. "No one does. You'd have to ask someone who was around when wheels and walls were invented — so, Wilbur Ross?"

At The Daily Show, Trevor Noah fact-checked Trump's "Drunk History lesson" about walls and wheels. "If a football player got up after a tackle and started talking like that, the trainer would be like, 'We need to get you to the locker room now, your brain is not okay,'" he said. "If there are any kids watching who are going to use this on a history test, walls are actually much older than the wheel — 6,000 years older than the wheel." The bigger problem with Trump's argument, he added, is that "since walls have been around for so long, people have had centuries to figure out how to get through them."

"Walls are definitely older than wheels," Jimmy Kimmel concurred on Kimmel Live. "We had sailboats before we had wheels." He also found Trump's new "caravan" suspicious and laughed at Trump's claim to being a big boy. "Nothing says 'I didn't throw a temper tantrum' like throwing another temper tantrum," he said. "Can you imagine any other president in history denying he has temper tantrums? Donald Trump puts the 'tan' in tantrum." Watch below. Peter Weber