Speed Reads

Late Night Tackles 2020

Stephen Colbert and Trevor Noah aren't fans of Howard Schultz's presidential run, but they like the Starbucks jokes

Former Starbucks Chairman and CEO Howard Schultz just announced he "could be running for president in 2020 — or as they call it at Starbucks, Venti-Venti," Stephen Colbert joked on Monday's Late Show. He wasn't impressed with "centrist independent" Schultz's campaign logo. "Is he running for president or launching a daytime talk show?" Colbert asked. "Also, it's clear Howard Schultz hasn't been to a Starbucks lately, or else that handwriting would read 'Horsefurt Shlutz.'"

"Democrats have their own concerns: Schultz could siphon off Democratic votes and hand Trump a second term," Colbert said, "and Trump knows it, taunting" him to run, calling him dumb, and bragging about the Starbucks in Trump Tower. "Fun fact: Their coffee is Trump's only black tenant," he quipped. "I've got to say to all the billionaires threatening to run for president: No thanks, we're too full for seconds. Billionaires, you need to find new hobbies! Can't Richard Branson just build a day camp for these guys to keep them off the streets?"

Until Schultz threw his "grande wrench in the works," the 2020 election shaping up to be a simple contest, Trevor Noah said at The Daily Show. "I don't know if this is his plan or not, but after hearing him speak, now I need a coffee." If Schultz does run, "it would be Mr. Pumpkin Spice Latte taking on an actual pumpkin spice latte," he joked, adding: "If I was a Democrat, I wouldn't worry about the Starbucks CEO running against me because you know he's probably going to spell his name wrong on the ballot." Noah shifted to another billionaire "with nothing better to do than ruin everyone's life," Mark Zuckerberg, and his "junk idea" to combine Facebook Messenger, Instagram, and WhatsApp.

MSNBC's Steve Kornacki noted Monday that it's really not clear if Schultz would help or hurt Trump, and there's a chance he wouldn't really affect the 2020 race at all. Peter Weber