Stephen Colbert can't believe 'professional pole-toucher' Bill Barr is endorsing Trump's Mueller attacks

For once, the big story of the day wasn't from Washington. It was the historic new photograph of a back hole, "a cosmic abyss so deep and dense that not even light can escape from it," Stephen Colbert said on Wednesday's Late Show, temporarily showing the "wrong" photo. "Some in the scientific community have pointed out that the black hole resembled the Eye of Sauron," he added. "Who would have guessed there'd be a crossover between space fans and Lord of the Rings nerds? Speaking of dark, destructive forces from which you can never escape, Donald Trump."

Trump "took a moment to yell at reporters" before flying off to Texas on Wednesday, and after trying to make sense of his "avant-garde poetry" on the wall, Colbert frowned at Trump's assertion that he "won" the Mueller report. "You don't win a report!" he said. Also, "the victory Trump is talking about is over his own intelligence agencies, who started the Russia investigation" — or as Trump described it, a thwarted "coup" attempt.

"Of course, describing a legitimate counterintelligence investigation as a 'coup' is just the mad ramblings of a syphilitic brain that no sane, responsible adult person would touch with a 10-foot pole," Colbert said. "Enter Attorney General and professional pole-toucher Bill Barr," who has assembled a team to investigate how the Russia investigation began and told the Senate on Wednesday he thinks "spying did occur" on the Trump campaign (before walking that back). Colbert was temporarily speechless, as you can watch below. Peter Weber

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